Cold and Broken Hallelujah
by oliviakate55
Summary: After Surrender Benson. What if Elliot walked back into Liv's life just when she needed him most? Slight AU. Eventual M.
1. Chapter 1

The pain in her wrists was the only thing Olivia could feel as she stumbled through the dank, disgusting bedroom. Her police issued handcuffs had cut into her skin and bruised her deeply but the alcohol that was still running through her blood numbed everything else. Olivia's vision was fuzzy and she could hardly focus. Simply getting the maid and her daughter out of the house had taken a huge toll on her. They were damn lucky.

The sun had begun to set, casting an eerie yellow glow on Lewis who laid handcuffed to the foot of the bed, unconscious, bloodied, but alive. Olivia staggered and braced herself on the dresser as her legs threatened to give out from under her. Her reflection made her sick. She was expecting the bruises and the swelling but the blood...it took her by surprise and caused her to pause, hands shaking, to examine her injuries. A cut on her head that would require stitches, bruises on her face, swelling in her wrist, pain in her ribs; but she was alive.

And so was he.

Suddenly, Olivia felt clarity cut through her booze soaked thoughts as Elliot's face came to her mind. She grabbed the phone that Lewis had haphazardly thrown on the couch in his hurry to take his pants off. Olivia dialed Elliot's number without thinking. The muscle memory in her fingers saving her from having to remember.

"Yeah." Elliot's voice sounded distant, strange even.

"El." Olivia whispered, relief washing over her. She let her body fall back on the couch and held the phone in her hand by her side. She put him on speaker phone, too exhausted to lift her arm again.

"Liv! Olivia! Are you there? Are you okay? Where the hell are you?" Elliot was frantic.

"I dunno." Olivia croaked. "The beach." The alcohol and exhaustion were beginning to cloud her head again.

"I'll leave the phone on." She whispered and closed her eyes.

* * *

><p>Elliot sprinted down the stairs from the roof and barreled into the bullpen.<p>

"She's alive! She's here!" He said, waving his phone before handing it to TARU to trace.

Fin grabbed the phone. "Liv!" He called. "Olivia!"

Silence.

Fin set the phone down and looked at Elliot, hope and sadness reflecting in his eyes.

"No, man. I swear. She called. She was there! Just trace that number. Let's go!" Elliot said, running his hands down his face in exasperation.

"Got it." The tech said, writing down an address. He handed it to Cragen who jogged out of the station with his entire squad following behind him. Brian Cassidy and Elliot Stabler grabbed their coats and ran after them.

* * *

><p>The beach house was dark by the time the squad cars pulled up and the sun had almost completely disappeared. Uniformed officers from Suffolk County had surrounded the house. They stood ready and waiting for orders from SVU.<p>

Cragen and Nick Amaro jumped out of the first car, strapping on their bullet proof vests and quickly taking position by the front door. Much, Amanda Rollins, and Fin fell in line behind their captain and Olivia's partner seconds later.

Elliot and Brian pulled up just as Cragen kicked down the door to the house. They jumped out of the car and stood as close as the officers would let them. Elliot's heart was in his throat, beating wildly. He hated having to stay back. He should be the one in there. He should be the one saving her, not Nick. He should be the one at her side right now. Elliot couldn't stand still. He started pacing back and forth. _What is taking so long?!_ He couldn't do this. Couldn't just stand there.

Elliot ducked under the tape and before anyone noticed, he was halfway to the house.

"Stabler!" Cassidy called. "What the hell?!"

Elliot ignored him and the calls of the officers behind him. Why Cassidy was even there was a mystery. He had abandoned Liv in Elliot's mind. Left her alone after a psychopath was released on bail. Had Elliot known, he would have never left Olivia's side.

Elliot opened the door to the house and was immediately nauseous. It was dirty. There were cans everywhere and a trail of blood the led from the door to the bedroom. He followed it, holding his breath, not sure what he would find.

"Call a bus!" He heard Rollins yell.

"There's one outside already." Fin answered. "Just pulled up."

Elliot jogged towards the commotion and stopped at the bedroom door. Olivia was on the couch, unconscious and bloodied. Lewis was handcuffed to the bed and looked as though he had gone toe to toe with the devil.

Elliot rushed to Olivia's side, blowing past a startled Fin and Amaro.

"Stabler!" Cragen barked. "What did I say about staying outside?!"

"You didn't" Elliot answered and Munch rolled his eyes.

"I'll call CSU and have them do a full work up of the place." Munch called, exiting the crowded room. Rollins and Amaro followed him to survey the rest of the house.

"Liv." Elliot whispered, kneeling down beside her and running his hand down the side of her face gently. Olivia startled awake and quickly grabbed Elliot's arm, yanking it away from her in an instant.

"Whoa, Liv. Shhh...it's just me. It's just me." Elliot soothed as Olivia tried to focus on the people in front of her.

"We're gonna get you out of here, Olivia." Cragen said, standing up and motioning for the paramedics to come in.

"No. No, I'm fine. I can walk." Olivia whispered when she saw the stretcher.

"Okay." Cragen answered. "But he can't." He said, kicking Lewis in the legs gently. Lewis moaned but didn't wake.

"Let me help you up." Elliot said, moving in front of Olivia so she wouldn't have to see Lewis.

"Elliot?" Olivia whispered as Elliot helped her to carefully stand.

"Yeah, Liv. It's me." He answered, wrapping his arms around her and supporting her with his weight.

Elliot led Olivia out of the house and to a waiting ambulance. Cassidy ran over as soon as he saw the two emerge from the house and jumped to Olivia's other side. She flinched and cried out as he touched her broken wrist in an attempt to help her.

"Oh geez. Sorry Liv. Here." He said, opening the ambulance door and clearing a path for her to sit on the gurney. Her body protested as she lowered herself down and she had to stifle a moan when she accidentally hit her wrist on the metal safety bar. Elliot held out his arm and she used it as leverage to scoot herself back against the backrest so she was in a sitting position with her legs stretched in front of her on the stretcher.

"Thanks." She whispered as Elliot handed her a bottle of water. He sat down across from her as the paramedics began to clean and document her injuries.

"I need to get her to the hospital" The young, female medic who looked like she was just out of high school declared.

Olivia didn't protest. She simply sat back and allowed herself to be strapped to the stretcher. She closed her eyes again and reached out her good hand. Elliot took it and gently traced circles on the back of Olivia's knuckles as the doors closed, leaving Cassidy behind.

The ambulance moved slowly down the Long Island roads towards the hospital as Elliot and Olivia sat in silence. The paramedics had started an IV fluid drip and begun to clean the wound on her head. Olivia winced each time the alcohol swab met her open skin and gripped Elliot's hand tighter. He could see that she was tensing and her breathing was becoming labored and rapid. She squeezed her eyes closed tighter as the panic began to overtake her. Elliot moved to sit on the gurney with her and wrapped both of his hands around hers. He wanted desperately to hold her but knew that if he touched her anywhere but the hands he had given him, her panic would increase. So Elliot sat and massaged her hand in his, humming a lullaby that he sang to his kids when they were little as they made their way to the emergency room.


	2. Chapter 2

_He wanted desperately to hold her but knew that if he touched her anywhere but the hands he had given him, her panic would increase. So Elliot sat and massaged her hand in his, humming a lullaby that he sang to his kids when they were little as they made their way to the emergency room._

* * *

><p>A sudden burst of fluorescent lights fragmented Olivia's blurred thoughts. She rolled her head on the gurney and flickered open her eyes. A flash of pain seared through her head as the light invaded her sight. There was so much noise. So many people yelling, trying talk to her. She couldn't understand why. Words like "fractured", "stay", and "lost" penetrated her consciousness. She caught images of machinery, people, rooms as they flew through the corridors. And then someone was tearing at her clothes or cutting at them. I didn't matter which. Lewis. She tried to kick, tried to scream, but her limbs were filled with lead. She closed her eyes against the harshness and tried to block out the noise. Her head rolled again and she succumbed to darkness once again.<p>

The first thing Olivia noticed was the quiet. Even before she forced her eyes open, the stillness hit her, enveloped her, and scared her. The silence was so encompassing that it was if she had jumped into a pool of deep water. What little noise she perceived seemed far off and muffled. Olivia opened her eyes slowly, letting her eyes adjust to the dim light.

_A hospital._

Did that mean she was safe? She couldn't remember. His eyes, though. Those, she remembered. She jumped as a machine in the corner beeped, signaling something to someone. Her eyes frantically searched the dimness for him. He was here, and if he wasn't now then he was coming back. She wasn't safe. She needed to get out. Olivia's blood pressure started to climb and her breathing became rapid and labored. She closed her eyes and tried to slow her breathing but the pressure that had settled on her chest made that impossible. Her heart pounded in her ears as she tried desperately to calm herself down.

Suddenly, her anxiety turned to panic as people swarmed into her room. Olivia's eyes darted back and forth. She couldn't breathe. Someone stopped the beeping. Someone else fiddled with something on her arm. People were trying to talk to her but she couldn't understand what they were saying. She was swimming again, only this time there were things in the water, things she knew would hurt her. Her eyelids grew heavy and she slowly sank under the power of medication once again.

* * *

><p>"Detective Benson…" A soft voice called, stirring at Olivia's consciousness.<p>

She turned her head to the side in an effort to stay asleep.

"Olivia?"

Her eyes flickered open. The room was bright and very white. A woman she had never seen before was standing next to her bed.

"Welcome back, Detective." The older woman cooed. "You gave us a scare. How are you feeling?"

Olivia looked at her through half-opened eyes. _How was she feeling?_ She didn't know. Olivia closed her eyes and began to take stock of her body. The first thing she noticed was a pain in her wrist. The second was a pain in her head. She opened her eyes again and tried to adjust her position but her ribs achingly protested. The nurse held her hand out to prevent Olivia from trying to move any further.

"Let me go and get the doctor for you. He'll want to see you now that you're awake."

And abruptly, she was gone and Olivia was alone again. Her ankle hurt too. _What in the hell was going on?_ She looked down and saw through her still-fuzzy vision that her wrist had been bandaged. She figured her ankle had been as well though the blankets blocked her view. She was trying to sit up again when the doctor walked in.

"Whoa. Slow down, Ms. Benson."

"Detective." Olivia whispered reflexively.

The doctor and nurse both looked at her with surprise.

"Of course. How are you feeling, Detective Benson?" The doctor asked again with a small smile on his face.

He was an older man with kind eyes and floppy blond hair. He reminded Olivia of a golden retriever.

"Fine." She croaked, her throat sore and gritty from lack of use. She looked the doctor directly in the eyes, summoning every ounce of defiant energy that she could muster.

"Can you tell me why you're here?" He asked, sitting down on the bed, near her feet.

"Yes. But I would rather not." She answered, curtly.

"I understand. I am going to have a psychiatrist come to visit you today. You've had a series of panic attacks both consciously and unconsciously and I would like to get those under control."

Olivia nodded. What else could she do? He wasn't giving her an option.

"As far as physically, you were very lucky." The doctor continued. "You sustained a few fractured ribs, a broken wrist, a sprained ankle, and a concussion. Nothing you won't recover from 100% in a few weeks."

Olivia nodded, shutting her eyes once more.

"Olivia is there anyone you would like for me to bring into see you? You have quite a few worried people out there." The nurse asked kindly.

"Who?" Olivia rasped. She didn't want to see anyone.

"Your Captain, for one. He's very anxious to see that you're okay. He hasn't left the waiting room in four days."

"Four days?" Olivia stared at the nurse.

"Yes, Detective. You've been in an out of consciousness for four days." The doctor answered. "With traumatic events, sometimes the psyche needs a little extra time to begin the recovery process."

Olivia nodded, a tear escaping down her cheek much to her frustration.

"Olivia, you must be feeling a lot right now. I would really like to bring in at least someone from the waiting room to see you. It may do you some good to see a familiar face." The nurse smiled at her kindly.

She nodded again. "Could you see if my Captain is still here?"

The nurse nodded at walked to the door as the doctor stood up. "Detective, I'm on call for the next few days so if you need anything, please do not hesitate to ask."

Olivia gave him a half-hearted smile and closed her eyes again. When she opened them after a few moments, Don Cragen was sitting at the foot of her bed, staring intently at her.

"Hey, Cap." She whispered.

"Hey, yourself." He smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Honestly?"

"That'd be good." Cragen smiled wryly.

"Like shit."

Cragen chuckled. "That happens when you go through hell, Olivia."

"Yeah…"

An uncomfortable silence fell between them.

"What do you remember, Liv?" Cragen asked tentatively after a few moments.

Olivia stared at him, a sadness creeping into her deep brown eyes.

"Everything." She whispered, looking down at her hands.

Cragen nodded. "I expected as much. The Department has your back, Liv. Whatever you need, all you need to do is ask."

Olivia looked up and met his gaze. "Thanks, Don." She muttered.

Cragen stood up and walked towards her. "Olivia, Elliot is here. He hasn't left since the ambulance brought you here, so he smells like shit but he would love to see you if you're up for another visitor."

Olivia shook her head. Elliot had already been through enough and she didn't think she could face him right now. Flashbacks of Gitano invaded her mind. She had been weak, off her guard, and Lewis had capitalized. No. Elliot couldn't see her like this and she couldn't bear his disappointment. I_ can't be looking over my shoulder to make sure you're okay._ She knew his words had been in fear but they haunted her. He was right. She had needed someone to look out for her the day that Lewis was released on bail and no one had been there.

"Tell him to go home, Don. He has a family to take care of." Olivia said, quickly and harshly. She looked away from her Captain and let her gaze wander to the window.

"Olivia, he would really like to see you but if you're too tired, I'll let him know." Don said, sadness lacing his usually authoritative voice.

"I don't want to see him, Captain." Olivia muttered.

"And I'll believe that when pigs fly. But I'll tell him anyway." Cragen answered.

He bent down and kissed Olivia's forehead in a tender and protective way and then he was gone.

She was exhausted again and her emotions were far too close to the surface for her liking. Olivia closed her eyes and pushed her sadness down deep inside. She sighed, and settled back into her pillow and fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Out in the waiting room, Elliot was pacing again. With the exception of a few catnaps, he had yet to get more than a few hours at a time. He was running on coffee, adrenaline, and fear. The Olivia that he encountered in that god awful house was a shell of his former partner, a shade of her usual bright and fiery self. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Cragen approach.<p>

"How is she?" He sputtered.

"Tired. She looks like hell. She's sleeping again."

Elliot sighed and took the nearest seat. He ran his hands down his face in worry.

"Elliot, listen. She's going to be okay but right now, she needs to rest. You need to rest too. You're not going to be able to do her any good if you're a wreck when she needs you. Go home. Get some sleep, take a shower, spend some quality time with you children. Please? For Olivia?"

Elliot shook his head. "What if I'm not here and she asks for me?"

Cragen sat down and sighed. "Right now, she's in survival mode. You've seen it before and you know what that's like for her. Last time, she ran to Oregon. She can't do that right now. She can't run from this, and it's causing her to panic. I could see it in her eyes. Give her some time."

The mention of Oregon made Elliot cringe. She had just left, without saying a word. It had devastated him on a level he still didn't understand and when Dani Beck came into the picture, he was just trying to take things one day at a time.

"...Okay." He relented, sighing deeply. "I'll go home and sleep but I'm coming back tomorrow."

Cragen nodded. "I expected nothing less, Elliot."

Elliot grabbed his jacket and walked out of the room, leaving Cragen in his wake. Elliot was intense in everything he did but his sense of loyalty and protectiveness for Olivia was similar to a lion protecting his pride. Cragen said a silent prayer that Olivia would let Elliot see her tomorrow. He wasn't sure how much longer Elliot would last in this imposed limbo.


	3. Chapter 3

_Elliot grabbed his jacket and walked out of the room, leaving Cragen in his wake. Elliot was intense in everything he did but his sense of loyalty and protectiveness for Olivia was similar to a lion protecting his pride. Cragen said a silent prayer that Olivia would let Elliot see her tomorrow. He wasn't sure how much longer Elliot would last in this imposed limbo._

Olivia lay staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours after Cragen left. Elliot was here. He hadn't left. Hadn't abandoned her when things got hard. That had to be a first. Or was she talking about herself, now? They had a history of getting the important things wrong but then again, they got a lot of things right, too. _He stayed._ Olivia's mind was spinning in a direction she didn't want it to go so she closed her eyes and tried to block out her subconscious.

The nurse interrupted her thoughts with a knock on the door.

"Feeling up to some pain medication, Detective?" She asked kindly.

Olivia reflexively put her hand on her wrist.

"Sure." She sighed, heavily.

_What the hell? _She thought as she popped the little blue pills back. She hated the way narcotic pain meds made her feel unaware and fuzzy but she clearly wasn't going anywhere for a while and the pain in her wrist was really becoming quite intense.

"Is there anything else I can get you?" The nurse, who Olivia had discovered by reading her hospital ID was named Sandy, asked kindly.

"No, I'm fine." Olivia answered, closing her eyes.

"The psychiatrist should be here this afternoon. Why don't you get some rest?" Sandy said, adjusting the machine behind Olivia's bed.

Olivia nodded, eyes still closed. Sandy switched off the overhead light on her way out and once again, she was alone with her thoughts.

* * *

><p>Olivia was awake when the psychiatrist came back the second time. A few hours earlier, he had stopped by but decided not to wake her. Olivia had never looked forward to anything less in her life.<p>

The psychiatrist was a short, balding man who looked like he had spent most of his life studying people instead of engaging with them. He had zero people skills and Olivia was tempted to profile him as soon as he sat down next to her bed.

"Olivia, I'm Dr. Benetti. How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Olivia answered, proud that she sounded stronger than she felt.

"Can you tell me what you remember about your abduction?"

Olivia sighed. "No." She answered, looking down at her hands. She was so not having this conversation with him.

"Do you remember what happened?" Dr. Benetti continued unphased.

"Doc, forgive me if this seems rude but I am not discussing this with you. I don't know you, you don't know me and I'm...I'm fine. There's nothing to discuss."

"Would you prefer that I call Dr. Huang, the department retained psychiatrist? He's offered to speak with you."

"Ha!" Olivia laughed in spite of herself. "No. Thank you."

"I understand that you are afraid to relive your experiences, Olivia. However, the hospital will not be able to release you without a written consent from either myself or Dr. Huang. It is standard procedure for trauma patients that we make sure that they are not a threat to themselves or anyone else."

Olivia glared at him. "Fine. I'll talk to Huang." She whispered after a few seconds.

"I'll let him know." Dr. Benetti nodded and left without another word.

_Asshole._ Olivia thought to herself, though she wasn't sure why. He hadn't done anything wrong. He was just the unfortunate schmutz who had to deal with her right now. She doubted Huang would fair much better.

* * *

><p>Elliot sped back to his apartment in Manhattan. The sooner he got home and showered, the sooner he could get back to the hospital. He didn't need sleep. He'd been up for longer hours working cases before and he had been fine. Nothing a good cup of coffee couldn't fix. Elliot had his keys out of this pocket before he reached the elevator and he was inside his apartment in less than a few minutes.<p>

He peeled off his jacket and threw it on the couch. Walking straight to the bathroom, he unhooked his belt and stripped off his jeans. He stopped dead as they hit the floor.

Blood. Olivia's blood. He hadn't even noticed it. It was splattered across the front of his jeans and looking down, it was on his shirt too. Elliot felt the air leave his lungs, his stomach plummeted and his face turn hot with rage. His emotions bubbled to the surface. Every fear, every moment of panic, each hour he had waited to hear that she was going to be okay, everything…how much he missed her. It was all right there and as he turned on the water and stepped into the steaming spray, Elliot finally released the tension that had built up inside of him over the last four days. But instead of slamming his fist through the wall, like he normally would, he simply slid down the tile, body aching, chest heaving, and sobbed.

He didn't know how long he had sat like that but the water had run cold what seemed like hours ago. He was empty, body and soul. His breathing slowed finally and with effort, he pulled himself up and grabbed the soap. Elliot quickly washed and stepped out of the shower. His head was pounding and his eyes were completely bloodshot. He was so tired.

Elliot stared at his own reflection. The lines around his eyes were more pronounced but he didn't notice. His mind flashed back to the moment he had seen Olivia's picture on the news a week ago. Her department picture. It had caught his attention immediately and he nearly dropped the pan he had been holding. Her eyes were piercing even through the television.

The news anchor read the story as if his whole world hadn't just crumbled. _Abducted._ No way. Not Olivia. She was too careful, too smart. And she had a new partner now, a younger one that could keep up with her. No, they were mistaken.

Elliot looked at his hands. They trembled now almost as badly as they had when he had called Cragen for the first time in two years.

"_Cap, it's Elliot." He had croaked, desperate into the phone as soon as Cragen's voicemail clicked on. "Please call me. I just saw the news."_

_Cragen had called him a few moments later and practically ordered him to the station. He knew Olivia's survival skills better than anyone and they needed more warm bodies. Elliot hadn't even noticed the stares he got when he ran into the bullpen. He beelined for Cragen's office and slammed the door behind him. _

"_Where is she? Who took her? And where the hell was her partner?" He had yelled, not realizing that Cragen wasn't alone. Detective Amaro had stepped forward then and offered him a chair, which Elliot took gladly. He slumped over and rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. _

"_Nick, Amanda, this is Elliot Stabler, Olivia's former partner." Cragen's voice was even an eerily calm. "He's helping with the investigation in a civilian capacity. Fill him in on what we know."_

_Amanda and Nick nodded and moved towards the door. Elliot stood up and did the same. _

"_Elliot." Cragen called after him. "No cowboy antics from you. We do this by the book. She needs us to get this right." _

_He nodded at his former Captain and left the room. _

Elliot grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. Walking into his bedroom, he picked up a frame from on top of his dresser. It was a favorite of his. He and Olivia were standing with Maureen and Kathleen at Maureen's graduation open house. The three girls were laughing about something stupid Elliot had just said. His daughters were looking at one another. Olivia however, was looking straight at Elliot. Her eyes sparkled in every cliche sense of the word. This was one of the countless moments that he knew he was irrevocably in love with her. He remembered feeling overwhelmed by that realization even in that moment so long ago.

Clutching the frame, Elliot pulled back the covers to his bed and climbed in. He fell into a fitful sleep soon after his head hit the pillow.

* * *

><p>Elliot's phone buzzed a few hours later catching him off guard in the middle of a deep sleep. <em>3 a.m. Who the hell…<em> Suddenly Elliot's awareness rocketed back to him and his lunged for his phone, knocking it off the nightstand in the process. _Olivia. _ He scrambled off the bed and reached the phone just in time to see Brian Cassidy's number flash across the screen. _Dammit. What the fuck did he want? _

Elliot climbed back into bed and dialed Cassidy's number.

"What, Cassidy?" Elliot groaned into the phone. Cassidy had all but disappeared in the days following Olivia's rescue. He had waited at the hospital with Elliot and the captain until she was out of surgery that first night but Elliot hadn't seen hide nor hair of him since.

"Elliot! How are you? How is she? How are you?" Cassidy slurred into the phone.

"Brian, it's three in the morning. You're drunk. What do you want?"

"I'm just sittin' here in her apartment. Lookin' at all the shit…"

"Cassidy, you need to leave. Olivia's apartment is still a crime scene. Don't fuck this up for her."

"Elllllliot. You're always so serious. I'm not leaving until she comes back. She's coming back. I need to clean this for her. "

"Fucking hell, Cassidy. Don't move. Don't touch anything. I'm coming to get you."

Elliot hung up and jumped out of bed. He grabbed new pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and stormed towards the door, letting it slam behind him.

Elliot hadn't been to Olivia's apartment in years and walking up the stairs now was surreal for him. She was supposed to be here but all the greeted him at her door was torn crime scene tape. He was going to kill Cassidy if he fucked up anything in there.

Olivia's door was slightly ajar so Elliot used the butt of his cellphone to push it open the rest of the way, avoiding any additional contamination.

The apartment was trashed. Glass was scattered along the floor, poking up in spikes throughout the carpet. Olivia's coffee table was shattered along with several of her lamps. Her couch cushions were torn, chairs were overturned, and her kitchen looked like it had recently been through an earthquake.

_She fought him hard. _Elliot thought to himself as he stepped over the glass and shut the door behind him. He couldn't see Cassidy anywhere.

Elliot walked into Olivia's living room. Her books and picture frames were scattered everywhere and a picture album had about been shredded. Pieces of various pictures lay strewn about the floor. Elliot resisted the awful temptation to pick them up for her. She couldn't come back here. She couldn't see this mess and relive everything. Tears pricked the corners of Elliot's eyes as he pictured Olivia coming home for the first time and having to sort through all her now ruined possessions.

Taking a deep breath, Elliot walked towards the bedroom and almost hurled. Her sheets, Olivia's sheets, were strewn about the room. Her pillows were scattered over the bed and the fitted sheet had been pulled up. There had been a fight in here too. Elliot surveyed the scene with practiced but tired eyes but didn't see any signs of blood, but that was little comfort to him.

_If that bastard raped her..._ Elliot's thoughts swirled in a frantic panic. His eyes searched the rest of the room and landed on Cassidy who was seated at the foot of her bed, his head in between his knees and a bottle of whisky empty beside him.

"Brian." Elliot called, sternly.

No response.

"Cassidy!" Elliot called, a little louder, and kicked his shoe.

Brian stirred and mumbled something that Elliot couldn't quite make out.

"Brian, get up. We're getting out of here. Now." Elliot said, bending down to eye level with the former detective.

Cassidy raised his head to look Elliot in the face. His eyes were bloodshot from either the alcohol or from crying.

_Probably both._ Elliot mused.

His head bobbed down again and Elliot had to hoist him up and drag him from the apartment.

* * *

><p>It was 6 a.m. when Elliot arrived at Mercy General. He had deposited Cassidy back at home with little protest and after making a pot of coffee for his former colleague, left for the hospital. The waiting room was almost empty signaling that Cragen had finally gone home as well. Elliot plopped himself into his usual chair and waited as the nurses changed shift. Sandy, the nurse that had made sure to update him every step of the way, sat down next to him a few seconds later. She looked exhausted.<p>

"Hey, Elliot. Glad to see that you got some sleep." She said, kindly, though Elliot detected the sarcasm in her tired voice.

"How is she?" The familiar question rolled off his tongue without provocation.

"She's stubborn." Sandy laughed. "I've never seen anyone shut Dr. Benetti up the way she did."

"Is Dr. Benetti a shrink? Because that's a specialty of hers."

"You got it. He's our senior psychiatrist and he couldn't get a word out of her."

"She's got to talk to someone." Elliot sighed in frustration, slightly surprised that he was advocating for that but he knew Olivia needed to stop bottling everything up.

"Why don't you go in there, Elliot? It would do her a world of good. You may be able to get through to her. She's got to talk to either Huang or Benetti before she can be released. Maybe you can convince her of that."

"Are you sure? Did she ask for me?" Elliot asked, brow furrowed.

"Elliot, she hasn't asked for anyone. Claims she doesn't want to see anyone but she can't keep isolating herself. I've seen it too many times here. People are ashamed of what they went through and so they don't let anyone in. Fear and shame can destroy even the strongest among us. Go in there. She's stable now. It'll be alright."

Elliot stood and nodded at Sandy. He put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze before walking out of the waiting room.

* * *

><p>Olivia's room was still dark when Elliot gently pushed the door open. She looked so little amidst the mess of beeping machines, cords, and fluid bags.<p>

_Shit._ Elliot thought as he slowly walked towards the bed. Her color was better than it had been in the ambulance and her face was relaxed. Elliot sat down in chair next to her bed quietly so he wouldn't wake her and gently moved his hand so that it was under hers. He traced a line with his thumb over the back of her knuckles.

Elliot sat, staring at Olivia, memorizing her face all over again. Learning what he had about Lewis had prepared him for the worst but seeing Olivia here, safe, was like a balloon of anxiety had been popped in his chest. He sunk back into the chair and fell asleep, still holding her hand.


	4. Chapter 4

_Elliot sat, staring at Olivia, memorizing her face all over again. Learning what he had about Lewis had prepared him for the worst but seeing Olivia here, safe, was like a balloon of anxiety had been popped in his chest. He sunk back into the chair and fell asleep, still holding her hand. _

Olivia was uncomfortable. Her sides ached, her wrist throbbed, and she had a headache that was pounding just behind her eyes. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to fully wake to the stark, sterile and lonely hospital room, and tried to coax herself back to sleep. A few moments later, Olivia groaned and opened her eyes in frustration. She sighed loudly and went to press the call button on the side of her bed but her hand was heavier than normal. Olivia glanced down to see a sleeping Elliot leaning on the bed, curled up with his head near her thigh and his hand grasping hers.

She froze, the air leaving her lungs for a moment. Tears welled up in her eyes at the sight of his tired, careworn face. _God she had missed him. _And suddenly, it was too much. Suddenly tears were streaming down her face uncontrolled and she couldn't move her hand to brush them away. He couldn't see her like this. He had already seen her like this. _Shit._ Olivia pressed her head back into the pillow and squeezed her eyes shut again. A sob caught in her throat as desperation wracked her body. She wanted to crawl out of her skin. This wasn't happening. Two years of nothing, not one single returned phone call, and now he's exactly where she didn't want him to be.

She had tried desperately for the last two years to convince herself that she was okay without him, that she could handle the job without him. Her cases had made headlines that surely Elliot had seen. She went for the toughest cases, pushed harder for justice than anyone else in some inane attempt to prove something to her phantom ex-partner, and in the end it had landed her in a hospital bed. She had fought off his ghost for so long and now she was trapped.

Elliot stirred and ran his thumb along her knuckles in careful, unconscious circles. Olivia's hand tensed beneath his, the movement causing Elliot to awaken. Disillusioned and drowsy, Elliot rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands and sat back in the chair. He ran his hands down his face and stifled a yawn as Olivia stared on, grateful that he had not yet noticed that she was awake.

Elliot checked his watch and then glanced up to check on Olivia. He met her deep brown eyes and jumped.

"Liv." He exhaled. "You're awake."

"Yeah." She strained a whisper from her tired throat.

"How...how are you?" Elliot struggled for words, unsure of what to say. He could see the tear tracks on her cheeks and his brow furrowed in concern.

"What are you doing here?" She was afraid to say his name, afraid of what walls would crumble at the sound of that one syllable nickname she had given him all those years ago. The look on his face was confirmation enough of his worry for her. She didn't need a lecture from him now. Not today.

His words from so long ago reverberated in her head again. _I can't do this anymore. I can't be looking over my shoulder to see that you're okay..._

"You called me, remember? You called me from the beach house. I haven't left you since." Elliot's eyes bore into hers. He was terrified she would ask him to leave. Four days of agonizing waiting. He was done. He needed to protect her now.

"Liv, I'm sorry. The nurse said I could come in. She thought I could convince you to speak with a psychiatrist. I told her that I wouldn't be of any use but she said it would be good for you to have company. I'm sorry. I should have waited for you to ask for me." Elliot was rambling, frantic to ease the tension.

If Olivia noticed his unease, she didn't show it. Her steely eyes gave nothing away as she stared into him.

"El, I need you to leave." Olivia whispered, her voice cracking with emotion.

Elliot blinked and rubbed his hands over his face again. Defeat spread through his body like poison and the air left his lungs. He shoulders sagged under the weight of her request.

"...Okay." He whispered.

"Whatever you need, Liv. I'll be in the waiting room until you need me or until they release you. I'm not leaving without you and you'll need a place to stay once they let you out. Let me at least help with that." Two years had passed since he had spoken to her and the first thing she says is that she wants him to leave. Elliot's heart shriveled beneath his chest as he spoke, desperately trying to hang on to whatever bits of conversation he could pull from her.

"What?" Olivia exhaled. "What do you mean? Oh for the love of god." Olivia uttered, eyes widening in realization. "It's a crime scene?!"

"Of course it is. It's trashed, Liv. I'm so sorry." He answered, grateful that she was speaking to him at all.

"How do you know that? How could you possibly know that?!" Olivia's voice grew louder and trembled with the weight of her emotions. He couldn't see that. He couldn't know what she went through. None of this was happening on her terms. She felt like she was grasping at the threads of her frayed life, desperately trying to cover the holes of her exposed soul.

"I...I was there. This morning. Cassidy, he broke in, drunk, and tried to clean things up for you. He called me and I went to get him so he wouldn't contaminate anything."

Olivia sighed and closed her eyes. "Okay." She replied, frustrated, head spinning. "I hadn't thought of this."

"Olivia, you can stay with me. I have an extra bedroom that's ready and waiting for you until you can go home."

"Elliot, I'm not staying with you and Kathy."

"That's not what I said. I said you could stay with me in my apartment in Manhattan."

Olivia's eyes shot to Elliot's in disbelief. This was too much to process right now. She couldn't even think of what to say next. She needed to breathe.

"El, can you get the nurse for me?" She whispered, looking down at her bandaged wrist, avoiding Elliot's stare.

"Of course. Can I come back with her or do you want me to stay in the waiting room?"

Olivia took in his exhausted frame, his tired features, his concern-laced eyes, and relented. She could at least ascertain just how much he knew if he came back.

"You can come back, Elliot."

A few moments later a nurse whom Olivia had seen only a few times, appeared, Advil and orange juice in hand. Elliot tailed closely behind her.

"Your breakfast is on it's way up, Ms. Benson."

"Detective." Olivia and Elliot both corrected her reflexively at the same time.

"My apologies, Detective Benson." The young nurse said with a nervous smile.

Olivia grasped the pills willingly and threw them back, thankful they were not narcotics this time.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Fine." Olivia said quickly.

The nurse nodded and flipped through her files. "Dr. Huang is scheduled to see you in a few hours. If he give you the go ahead, I can get your discharge papers started shortly after that. I'm hopeful you'll be able to head home this afternoon."

Olivia smiled for the first time in a long time and exhaled. She looked at Elliot who smiled back at her and nodded reassuringly. The nurse finished checking Olivia's vitals and left.

The word "home" echoed in Olivia's ears. She didn't have one right now, she had a crime scene. _Fuck._ She threw her head back onto the pillow in frustration and squeezed the bridge of her nose.

"God, I can't wait to get out of here." Olivia sighed, using her good arm to readjust.

"You know you can't just tell Huang that you're 'fine,' right?" Elliot asked, seriously.

"Yeah. I'll talk to him if it means I can get out."

"Good. That's good, Liv."

"Have you really been here the whole time?" Olivia asked, looking at Elliot, her expression soft.

"No. I left last night to shower and get a few hours of sleep. And then after I took Cassidy home, I came back."

"Elliot, is that the only time you've been home?"

Elliot met her concerned gaze with his icy blue eyes. "It doesn't matter. You were here. Where else would I be?"

"At home with your family?" Olivia knew she sounded confrontational but she really didn't care. "Or maybe wherever the hell you've been for the last two years?"

Elliot shook his head and looked down at his feet. A hospital aid appeared with Olivia's breakfast at that moment, breaking the tension momentarily.

"Sir, can I bring you anything?" He asked, politely.

"No, thank you." Elliot answered chancing a glance back at Olivia. She was busy staring at her breakfast tray, a look of resigned apathy on her face.

Elliot had a lot to answer for to her and he knew it. He wanted to have that conversation with her; it was the only way to move forward but not right now. Not while she was still in the hospital, he thought. Though maybe he would at least have a chance of survival if she shot him here after she heard his side of it.

"I would be more than happy to run and grab you a better breakfast, Liv." Elliot stated tentatively.

"No, it's fine." She answered, picking through the fruit bowl on the side of her tray.

A moment of awkward silence passed with Elliot staring at his feet again in lost anxiety.

"We're never going to have that conversation, are we?" Olivia asked, quietly.

Elliot sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "Olivia, I promise you we are. I promise I will tell you every moment that I can remember for the past two years but not here. You need to focus on getting well, not on my problems."

"Problems?" Olivia asked, inspite of herself.

"Liv, please. Not now." Elliot's eyes were serious and haunted.

"...'kay." Was all Olivia could utter without tears threatening to stain her cheeks once again.

Elliot's phone buzzed in his jeans' pocket.

"Stabler." He barked.

"Brian. Stop! Slow down. - I'm here at the hospital. Olivia is still - No, Cassidy. - Fine. I'll be there soon."

"Is he okay?" Olivia asked, sitting up a little straighter.

"Honestly, no. He's not. He's a fucking mess. He started drinking again after you were rescued." Elliot stated, standing up and fumbling to put his phone back in his pocket. "I am amazed he lasted as long as he did through the investigation to be honest. Not being able to see you has been killing him. He didn't see me in the waiting room and thought the worst. I need to take him home."

Olivia nodded her understanding but threw her hand up to meet Elliot's arm just before it was out of reach.

"Thanks, El." She whispered. "Thanks for taking care of him."

Elliot smiled a tight, closed-lip smile and put his hand on hers. "Of course." He answered softly, before turning and walking from the room.

_Sure, Liv. I'll just take care of your drunk boyfriend for you. _Elliot muttered under his breath as he reached the bright, fluorescent hallway, shaking his head in frustration. _Why the hell are you with him anyway? _

Elliot had a long history of, well, if he was honest with himself, downright despising Olivia's boyfriends, dates, men who got a little too close..._Geez. This is messed up._ Elliot thought to himself as he reached the waiting room.

Cassidy was pacing in front of the nurses station, desperately trying to get someone to update him on her condition.

"Elliot!" He cried when he saw the disheveled detective approaching. "He's here now so you can tell him. What's her condition?" Brian asked, insecurity radiating from his body.

"Brian, leave them alone. I just saw her." Elliot spoke evenly, tugging at Cassidy's arm in an effor to move him away from the nurses station.

"You what?!" Cassidy exclaimed.

_Oh yeah, definitely drunk. _Elliot deduced quickly once Cassidy began making his way over to the chairs. His walk was staggered and uneven.

"She's fine. She might be released today." Elliot said, taking a seat in one of the worn plastic and cloth chairs.

"Can I see her?" Cassidy asked, not trying to mask the hurt in his voice.

"I'll go back and ask her. She's extremely tired." Elliot answered, adding nonchalantly "I'm sure she would like to see you."

He wasn't sure of that, actually. He wasn't sure that Olivia was too excited about this relationship anymore. After all, she had called Elliot from the beach house, not her boyfriend. She hadn't asked for him, hadn't asked about him...something was up.

Elliot walked back to Olivia's room purposefully. Being around Fin and Munch again, he had regained some of his cop-like tendencies, and the determined walk was definitely coming back. He tapped gently on Olivia's door and found her with her nose tucked into a magazine, breakfast barely touched.

Olivia looked up when she heard him knocking.

"Olivia," Elliot muttered, carefully sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at Olivia straight in the eyes. "Cassidy would like to see you. He's pretty desperate, actually."

"Why? He hasn't asked before? I've been here for how long? And he never once asked Sandy or any other nurse if he could come back."

"To be fair, Liv, he hasn't been here the whole time. He went back to work and has been pulling double shifts to make up for lost wages."

"So nothing has changed? He's still hiding in the job? No thank you. He pulled a double on the night that...that...Not that he could have done anything. He'd probably be dead had he been at home so I guess I can't blame him..." Olivia finished rambling and looked back up at Elliot who was smiling softly at her.

"So I'll send him home, then?" Elliot asked, secretly ecstatic that she was as frustrated with Brian as he was.

Olivia sighed in submission. "Fine. I'll talk to him." She muttered just before Elliot disappeared through the door. He nodded his understanding and returned to the waiting room to find Cassidy.


	5. Chapter 5

_"So I'll send him home, then?" Elliot asked, secretly ecstatic that she was as frustrated with Brian as he was._

_Olivia sighed in submission. "Fine. I'll talk to him." She muttered just before Elliot disappeared through the door. He nodded in understanding and returned to the waiting room to find Cassidy._

* * *

><p>Dr. Huang sat behind his cherry wood desk with a case file spread open in front of him. Coffee in hand, he poured over witness statements, police reports, and CSU findings. For the first time since his rookie years, he felt sick to his stomach when he flipped to the pictures from Olivia's admittance to the hospital. Bruises, burns, lacerations, dehydration, a broken wrist and ribs, cigarette burns on her chest, sprained ankle; it was too much. And yet, according to the doctor's written report, there was no evidence of sexual trauma. <em>Thank God. <em>

Huang's hands shook as he read the officer and hospital reports detailing the trauma that Lewis' lawyer's parents had gone through. He presumed that Olivia had been there and had witnessed this. It was certainly Lewis' MO to enjoy an audience. He had his work cut out for him.

Glancing at the clock, Huang shuffled the papers back into their folder and put everything into his briefcase. He locked his office and headed towards the hospital for what he was certain would be one of his most difficult sessions.

* * *

><p>A timid knock on the door was not at all what Olivia was expecting from Hurricane Cassidy and she was thankful, perhaps for the first time, for his tact.<p>

"Hey, Liv." Brian whispered, as he approached her bed.

He reeked of alcohol. Vodka.

_No._

Her breathing quickened, heart began to pound and her palms grew clammy.

Olivia slammed her eyes shut, images of the back of a stolen car invading her memory. Her hands made fists in the bed sheets as she fought to control her breathing. _Duct tape ripping from her face, vodka stinging her chapped lips, a bottle of water dangling from his slimy fingers. _The air seeped from her lungs.

"Liv, what is it?" Brian asked, stepping closer.

Olivia coughed and sputtered, nausea over taking her and causing her to turn on to her side, away from Brian, to avoid vomiting. His voice a whisper on the edge of her consciousness. She gasped for breath. _You thirsty, Sweetheart? _Olivia felt the handcuffs around her wrists. _Hey! You don't get to say 'no' anymore._ Her lungs were closing and the walls of the hospital room were sinking into her peripheral vision. Colors faded into black and white. Her whole body began to tremble.

_This wasn't happening. _

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she listened to Brian's footsteps draw closer to the bed.

_One move, lights out. I'll do ya cold._

A strangled cry ripped from Olivia's throat leaving her clawing at her own skin.

"OLIVIA!" Elliot's voice rang strong and clear through her fog. He was at her side in an instant and she clung to him, desperate to escape her demons. She dug her nails into the back of his shirt with her good hand and buried her face in his neck.

"Shh shh shh. You're okay. You're safe." Elliot whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion.

"I - I don't understand what happened." Brian muttered, not meeting Elliot in the eye.

"She's having a panic attack, you moron." Elliot hissed, rubbing his hands up and down Olivia's back. "Get a nurse!"

Brian stuttered and tripped over his own feet, not able to exit the room fast enough. Dr. Huang rushed in moments later, followed by a nurse.

Elliot leaned Olivia back against the bed once more. Her breathing had slowed significantly but her whole body shook. She kept her hand locked to his shoulder and her eyes screwed shut.

"Olivia." Dr. Huang whispered, coming closer to the bed. "It's over. Focus on your breathing. That's right…"

Elliot stroked her hair as Dr. Huang continued to speak calming words. A few moments later, Olivia began to loosen her muscles and relax her body slowly. Elliot kept his hand on the side of Olivia's forehead, occasionally brushing stray hair out of her face until she opened her eyes.

Olivia was completely empty. Her eyes held no emotion or life. They were hollow echoes, completely devoid of their usual bright and mischievous light. This attack had taken everything from her. Elliot couldn't help but wonder if her mind had driven her back there, with...him.

The nurse busied herself checking Olivia's vitals and then left. Dr. Huang nodded at Elliot as a signal that he could depart as well but as soon as he pulled away, Olivia flinched and reached out for him. Elliot looked at the doctor and shook his head. He wasn't going anywhere.

"Olivia" Huang spoke again. "Is this the first panic attack you've had since being admitted?"

Olivia nodded, not yet able to find her voice.

"Can you tell me what triggered it?"

Olivia looked up at Elliot, worry flooding her deep brown eyes.

"It's okay, Liv." Elliot reassured.

"The smell." She whispered.

"Smell?" Dr. Huang looked up at Elliot concerned and confused.

"Cassidy reeks of booze right now. He's not doing well." Elliot offered with a shrug of his shoulders. He couldn't have cared less about Cassidy in that moment.

Huang nodded in understanding. "And what about the smell caused you to panic?"

Olivia gripped Elliot's arm compulsively.

"I don't know." Olivia muttered, looking past Elliot and towards the blank wall.

"Are you sure, Olivia?" Elliot soothed.

She looked up at him once again.

"Olivia, Elliot can leave if you're uncomfortable with him here."

Olivia swallowed and breathed deeply. She met Dr. Huang's eyes. She had no fight left. "No. It's okay. He deserves to know what happened." Olivia didn't know where this change of heart had come from but Elliot's eyes were her strength right now and she knew that she wouldn't get through this meeting without him.

Elliot gripped Olivia's hand in support and braced himself. This would not be easy to hear.

"He force fed me alcohol. Whisky and vodka. Kept me drunk and drugged but conscious." Olivia spoke slowly and evenly in an attempt to keep her emotions in check. If she treated this like a case, made everything clinical and detached, she could make it through his questions.

Huang nodded. "What do you remember, Olivia?"

"Everything."

"Start from the beginning."

Olivia looked at Elliot again, who nodded and offered a small smile.

"He was in my apartment when I got home. It was locked. I have no idea how he got in. He held a gun to my head and forced me into a chair. He tied my hands and feet. I screamed so he put duct tape over my mouth."

Olivia paused, catching her breath. Her voice was hoarse and tired.

"He went over to the stove and turned it on. I could see him bending something but his back was turned to me. I tried to move the chair over to the window to signal for help but he saw me. That's when he dug the whisky from my cabinet. He ripped off the tape and forced open my mouth and popped some pills inside. I couldn't tell what they were. Then he opened the bottle and forced me to drink. Then he put the duct tape back on and went back to the stove."

Elliot smoothed his thumb over Olivia's knuckles, reminding her gently that he was there.

"He came back with a wire hanger. A red hot wire hanger bent so that it resembled a branding iron. He…"

Olivia stopped, tears welling in her eyes, her healing burns aching reflexively. She brought her hand up unconsciously to her chest, soothing the phantom pain. Her eyes were unfocused, staring at the wall ahead of her.

"Liv?" Elliot whispered. "You're here now. You're safe."

She shook her head and refocused, chancing a glance at Huang in an effort to gauge his reaction. His face was neutral, impassive, like he'd heard this all before.

_He's used to this. His patients are all traumatized._ Olivia reminder herself, almost rolling her eyes. Elliot could see her rebuilding her defensive walls as she composed herself to begin again.

"He ripped my shirt and burned my chest and my arms. When the wire cooled, he lit cigarettes. The pills and alcohol were beginning to kick in and I remember feeling really fuzzy and confused. I must have passed out somewhere along the way because I woke up on the floor."

She paused again.

"Olivia, if you need a break, we can continue this later this afternoon." Huang offered.

"I want to get this over with." She whispered, staring at her hands.

"Once I was awake, he repeated the same pattern: alcohol, wire hanger, cigarettes. Brian called at some point. I don't remember when. He was working a double that night so he wouldn't be home. I was holding out for him, waiting for him to come and put a stop to this but…" Olivia took a deep breath. "When I heard his message, I asked Lewis to shoot me."

_That's the end game, sweetheart. _

Olivia closed her eyes, images of Lewis' face swarming on the edge her consciousness.

Elliot's body convulsed. It took all his strength to not reach out for Olivia in that moment and draw her to himself.

Olivia calmed her breathing and opened her eyes again. She saw the tears threatening Elliot's eyes and looked away. _Not now. If he lost it, she would too._

"Olivia, why don't we pause here?" Dr. Huang offered.

Olivia shook her head vehemently. "George, I just want to go home. They said I had to talk to you so I could go home."

"I'll sign your discharge papers and you can leave today if you agree to begin follow up sessions with me on a regular basis."

Olivia nodded.

Dr. Huang stood and packed his briefcase. "You did well, Olivia. You're going to get through this."

Olivia offered a halfhearted smile and thanked Dr. Huang. Once he had left, she rested her head back on the pillow and sighed.

"I keep saying 'home', Elliot, but that's not where I'm going, is it?"

"Soon, Liv. It won't be a crime scene forever."

"I don't know if I can go back there."

"You don't have to. We could put it on the market."

"We?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Liv. I told you that."

She nodded.

"Okay." She choked as a sob caught in her throat.

Elliot wrapped his arms around her and climbed into the bed. He laid on his side and pulled Olivia gently to him. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and cried for the first time since her rescue.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I apologize that this chapter is short and for the delay in publishing it. I struggled with this one and ended up re-writing it several times. The next one will be up very soon. Thank you very much for all the kind reviews. I needed closure on this story line and I'm glad to hear some of you did too. :-)**

_Elliot wrapped his arms around her and climbed into the bed. He laid on his side and pulled Olivia gently to him. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and cried for the first time since her rescue._

* * *

><p>Elliot had never experienced Olivia so broken. As much as he mentally recoiled at that word, lying in his arms, having cried herself to sleep, that's exactly what she was. Broken. Elliot would never have admitted it in their years as partners, but he relied on Olivia's inner fortitude; he drew from it, leaned on it, and looking back, he took it for granted. The truth was, Elliot had no idea how to react to her emotions. She had always played things so close to the vest and when she did choose to confront something, she did so with a level head. Sure, when Sonya Paxton had died, Olivia had briefly let Elliot see the pain she felt but a few seconds later, she was back to business as usual, graciously giving Elliot an out.<p>

This, this was different. This Olivia was a bleeding, fragmented, viscerally suffering Olivia who was currently clinging to his shirt, white knuckled, even in her sleep. It was clear to Elliot that whatever protective walls she might have built for herself as a woman and as a cop had been diminished to rubble and she was desperately trying to rebuild.

As Elliot lay with his arms around Olivia, he unwillingly flashed through the scenes of her rescue. The blood, the dirt, the strong smell of alcohol and burned flesh. All of it rushed back to him, causing his chest to constrict painfully.

He didn't pity her. That would have been an unfair assessment of the depth of emotions he was feeling for her. He could barely even empathize with what she had experienced. No, Elliot felt much more than the triteness of pity. His chest ached for her. He longed to remove the pain and confusion from her heart. As he lay, tracing indecipherable words into her back, Elliot made a silent and solemn vow to try.

* * *

><p>A gentle knock on the door started Elliot from his reverie.<p>

"Elliot?" A small, sweetly Southern, voice whispered.

Amanda Rollins peaked her head around the corner and Elliot motioned for her to approach quietly. She held a duffle bag up and Elliot pointed to a near by chair.

"There wasn't much that CSU hadn't dusted but I salvaged what I could and washed some pieces I thought she would want." The blond detective whispered.

"Amanda, thank you. I am sure she will feel much better when she is able to get out of hospital scrubs."

"I included her shower gel and tooth brush. Not much else was clean."

Elliot could tell Rollins was stalling. She had been a rock throughout the whole investigation, believing strongly in Olivia's perseverance and ability to survive. Elliot admired her tenacity and no-nonsense attitude.

"She's okay." Elliot offered. "Shaken up, bruised, but okay. I know she will want to thank you when she is able."

"No need. She would have done the same for us. And it's not like we did much anyway. She saved herself. We were two steps behind him the whole time."

"That's Olivia for you. She was always two steps ahead of me too in each case we worked together."

Rollins smiled. "Well, I'll leave you. Tell her I say hi and to let me know if she needs anything."

"Will do." Elliot smiled back and offered her a quick nod of his head as she disappeared through the door.

Olivia stirred and relaxed her grip on Elliot's shirt. She readjusted slightly and Elliot gently pulled away and sat up. Olivia curled further into the pillow and fell back into a relaxed sleep.

Elliot went in search of a cup of coffee.

* * *

><p>Brian Cassidy sat in the waiting room hoping for news on Olivia. Sober, for the first time in days, he rubbed his hands over his bloodshot and tired eyes, rubbing the last remnants of a drunken sleep away. Elliot had been right to send him away and the thought that he had caused Olivia pain was unbearable for him. He was desperate to make things right with her. He spied Elliot at the coffee machine and jogged over to speak with him.<p>

"Elliot, hey." Cassidy called as Elliot turned away, a cup of coffee in each hand to head back to Olivia's room.

"Brian, what are you doing here?"

"I know, I know. But, I'm sober and you were right. I should have never seen her like that."

Elliot remained silent, his expression impassive. This was the man that Olivia was supposedly in love with. This bumbling drunkard was dating Olivia, and yes, maybe Elliot's anger was at the whole situation but right now, he just wanted to punch Cassidy.

"I want to see her Elliot. Let me talk to her." Brian was almost whining and the sound of his voice was quickly becoming one of Elliot's least favorite sounds.

"She's sleeping."

"Oh. Okay. I'll stop by this afternoon? Or tomorrow then?"

Elliot nodded. "Sure, whatever."

"When is she being discharged?"

"I dunno." He answered. And technically it was the truth. Technically, he didn't know what time she would be discharged today. Elliot turned and walked back towards Olivia's room without a second thought.

"You can't keep her from me, Elliot!" Brian called, anger flaring towards his former colleague.

Elliot ignored him and continued walking, nearly knocking over a nurse as she emerged from seeing Olivia.

"Oh, Elliot. I just dropped off discharge instructions for Olivia. She's all set to leave whenever she's ready."

Elliot nodded in thanks and the nurse continued walking. Olivia was up and rifling through the duffle bag that Rollins had brought when Elliot walked in.

"Should you be standing on that sprained ankle of yours?" Elliot questioned, setting a cup of coffee down on the counter next to her.

"It's fine." Olivia mumbled, picking up the cup and sipping it gingerly while continuing to search through the bag.

"I'll leave you to change." Elliot said, turning on his heels to walk out the door.

"I can go in the bathroom. You can stay." Olivia said, limping towards the en suite.

Elliot sighed at her stubbornness but sat down in the nearest chair to wait.

A few minutes later Elliot had arranged for a nurse to escort Olivia out and was in the process of pulling the car around.

The young nurse from earlier this morning appeared with a wheelchair for Olivia, who sat down rather reluctantly.

"I instructed Elliot to pull around back. I figured you would want to avoid the press."

"Press?" Olivia rasped, confused.

"Your story has been all over the news for the last couple weeks. The press have been camped out for days waiting for word on your recovery. I didn't think you would want to deal with that right now."

"Oh. Thank you." Olivia responded as the nurse pushed her down the stark and sterile hallway towards Elliot's waiting car.

* * *

><p>An hour later, Elliot pushed open the door to his apartment and held it open for Olivia to walk inside.<p>

Olivia took in her new surroundings. The apartment was well lit, thanks to the western facing windows that lined the open plan kitchen and living room. The furniture was generic and she surmised that Elliot had gone with a fully furnished model. There was no hint of his personality in any of the decor, nor was there any clue that he was a father of five. There were no pictures, no finger paintings or Father's Day cards, no toys tucked away in the corner or extra pairs of children's shoes by the door. Everything was bare, lifeless, and empty.

Elliot set Olivia's bag down near the couch and motioned for her to sit.

"I'll go set out some clean towels in your bathroom. Do you need a drink or anything."

Olivia shook her head and he left. She walked over to the window and stared at the traffic below, feeling completely carved out and hollow. Nothing about this was right and she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. Olivia could feel herself shutting down emotionally and mentally, blocking everything, every emotion, out again. Numbness creeped into her chest and she welcomed it like an old friend.

She looked around the apartment again, feeling sorry that Elliot had ended up here. It was a nice space but so much of his life was just missing.

Elliot reappeared and picked up Olivia's bag.

"You okay?" He asked, brow furrowed.

Olivia couldn't find the energy to speak so she simply nodded and followed Elliot to what he had dubbed "her bedroom." It was as empty as the rest of the apartment. A bed with plum and gray bedding stood took up most of the room. There was a nightstand and a closet but not much else, and no sign of Elliot anywhere. Olivia silently wondered how long he had lived here. Elliot had already turned on the shower and the mirror was beginning to collect steam.

"I figured you would want to get cleaned up." He shrugged.

"Thanks."

"I'll be in the living room if you need anything."

Olivia nodded once more. She stepped into the en suite and began to slowly take off the clothes that Amanda had brought for her and took off the sling and wrap around her wrist. She felt like she was moving through a thick fog, unable to process more than her next movement. Olivia avoided looking in the mirror, afraid of the emptiness she would find there, and stepped under the spray.

Elliot stood outside listening for a moment just incase Olivia needed him. She was shutting him out; he could read it in her body language. So he waited, hopeful that she would call to him, but all he heard was the beating of water against tile.

An hour later Elliot tentatively pushed open Olivia's door and found her curled up in bed fast asleep. She had taken her sling off and set it on the nightstand and had clearly had some difficulty re-wrapping her own wrist. Elliot gently backed out of the room and closed the door again, turning off the lights as he left.

Olivia's sleep was fitful and detached, her senses invaded with him. She could feel his hands on her, pawing at her clothes, lips pressing through duct tape, burning wire. She awoke to her own screams in the darkness.


	7. Chapter 7

_Olivia's sleep was fitful and detached, her senses invaded with him. She could feel his hands on her, pawing at her clothes, lips pressing through duct tape, burning wire. She awoke to her own screams in the darkness._

* * *

><p>Olivia sat up, ribs protesting her sudden movement, and ripped the comforter off of her body. She couldn't breathe. Olivia half expected Elliot to break down the door and silently pleaded with the universe for him to leave her alone. A few moments passed and she lay staring at the ceiling, waiting for her heart to stop pounding beneath her ribcage. Olivia listened to the darkness. She was alone and she was safe. Lewis was at Rikers and she was at Elliot's. Somehow they felt one in the same. Olivia was suffocating in the unfamiliarity of it all.<p>

She quietly slipped out of bed with the intention of locating a bottle of water. As she opened her door, she heard frantic and hushed whispers coming from the living area.

"You son of a bitch. You don't fucking own her, Elliot!"

"Brian, there is no way I'm letting you see her. Not after last time. Go home!"

"She's my girlfriend, Elliot. Mine. And I'm staying until she tells me otherwise. She needs to be home with me. How could you not tell me she was being discharged?! What right do you have to keep that from me?"

Olivia could hear Elliot sigh in frustration. She didn't blame him. She was frustrated too, but for completely different reasons. Olivia turned the corner and saw the two men standing in the kitchen inches away from each other. Brian held up an accusatory finger and poked Elliot straight in the chest.

"You've always done this, Elliot. You do not get to decide what's best for her. She does. Leave her alone and let her come home with me. That's clearly where she wants to be."

"Oh, and you know this how? Have you asked her? Do you even know her, Brian?"

"No! I haven't fucking asked her, Elliot because you won't let me see her. You're a pitbull, Stabler, but this isn't your fight. You left, remember? You left her and I was the one that had to pick up the pieces."

Olivia cleared her throat and the two men jumped.

"Liv." Brian croaked, taking a few tentative steps towards her.

"I won't break, Brian. It's okay." She whispered as he carefully wrapped his arms around her.

Olivia sighed and relaxed into his embrace, feeling completely numb once more and lacking the energy to push him away. She didn't want to be touched and the longer he held her, the more her skin prickled with disgust. It was some small consolation now that now he was the last one to put his hands on her like this and not Lewis. That knowledge soothed her. She dipped her head and rested it against Brian's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.

"Let me take you back to my place, Liv." He whispered into her hair.

Olivia craved familiarity. She needed to feel like she was "home" and not still in Lewis' grasp. Being in this unfamiliar and bare apartment was doing nothing for her nerves, even if it was Elliot's. He didn't seem to belong here either.

Olivia nodded and Brian kissed the top of her head. She pulled away, not able to look at Elliot, and walked back towards the bedroom. Brian followed and helped her gather her things.

"Liv." Elliot whispered, coming to rest against the doorframe as Brian finished zipping her duffle bag. "Is this what you want?"

Olivia gathered her strength. She didn't know what she wanted. She just wanted to sleep and if Brian's place happened to smell and feel familiar, then she was all for that. She looked Elliot in the eyes and nodded. The torment reflected in his blue stare briefly registered but she couldn't bring herself to feel anything but repulsion at her own mental state. She simply sighed and picked up her sling from the nightstand.

"At least let me re-wrap your wrist before you go. Looks like it was hard to do one handed." Elliot implored gently.

Olivia shrugged her shoulders with some effort and held up her arm to Elliot. She sat down on the bed and he knelt in front of her. He gently unwrapped the loose bandages and set about re-doing the bandage. Brian looked disgustedly at Elliot but he focused on the task, smoothing his thumbs gently over her forearm.

She felt a familiar pull rise in her stomach as Elliot continued to adjust her bandages. Each brush of his fingers sent sparks down her spine and caused goosebumps to prickle her skin. Old and repressed memories flooded back to her; sitting in the car during a stakeout, chatting nonchalantly about his children, muscles flexing underneath his dress shirt as he leaned over her desk in the bullpen, watching the intensity in his eyes as they uncovered a lead, how he took her breath away each of the few times he had allowed any physical contact.

Olivia lost herself in the sensation of his fingers and closed her eyes. She took a shuttering breath as Elliot finished adjusting her bandage and gently removed the sling from her other hand. He brought his arms around her body and looped the sling around her shoulder. She could smell his aftershave and everything that used to be so familiar to her. The feel of his arms around her brought a sob to the back of her throat but she played it off as a cough instead.

She had missed him terribly. She used to live for the quiet moments when they were together, just the two of them, or the times when he would "accidentally" let his fingers linger longer than necessary when handing her a cup of coffee. She had been under Elliot's spell for years and she was all too aware that his absence had done nothing to quell those feelings.

_He left. He left and you broke. _She thought to herself, more determined than ever to walk out of his apartment on her own accord.

Elliot finished adjusting her sling and stepped away, knowing full well, Olivia assumed, how his touch had affected her.

Brian grasped Olivia's good hand suddenly, causing her to flinch. "All set?" He asked, glaring at Elliot.

Olivia nodded and allowed herself to be pulled from Elliot's presence and into the dark living room once again. Elliot retrieved Olivia's jacket and draped it over her shoulders. She nodded her thanks, unable to look at him in the eyes, and walked out of his apartment.

Elliot gently shut the door behind her, feeling the weight of her absences pressing down on his chest. He slid to the floor and rubbed his hands down his face. His overwhelming need to protect her had once again made things more difficult and he was alone. She was gone, again. And it was his fault, again.

Elliot fought the urge to retrieve the bottle of Jack Daniels he had hidden under the sink with everything in him. He reached into his pocket for his cell phone with shaking hands and dialed his sponsor instead.

* * *

><p>It began to rain as soon as Brian shut the door to the cab outside his apartment building but Olivia didn't notice. She stood, staring up at the building that had become a part-time home to her over the past few months and she suddenly felt sick. She longed for the warmth that Elliot's mere presence provided her but she would not go back.<p>

He was surely only taking care of her out of pity. She had called him from the beach house, leaving him no choice but to be involved and now she was sure he felt too guilty to not take care of her. Well, she solved that problem. He was free to crawl back into the hole in which he had been hiding for the last two years and not worry about ever speaking to her again. Anger bubbled in Olivia's chest, mostly directed towards herself for allowing herself to so easily fall back into her old feelings for him. He left her. She could not forget that nor could she forgive him. It would not have been difficult to return a fucking phone call. Hell, she didn't even know if he was alive until she had finally broken down in desperation and called Kathleen only to hear from her that he was "just fine" and that life was "so good now that he was retired." No, she did the right thing leaving his apartment. At least she knew that Brian possessed the loyalty of a Golden Retriever. _Too bad he has the emotional capacity of a chihuahua, _ she thought.

Brian took her good hand and led her up the stairs and into his apartment. It was colder than normal but she assumed the he had not spent much time here over the past few weeks. Elliot had said he spent time working the case with them. Cassidy flipped on the lights and led her back towards the bedroom.

The clock on his nightstand flashed 3:15 a.m. Olivia yawned compulsively and slid the jacket off her shoulders. She unhooked the sling and crawled straight into bed without waiting for Brian. She was asleep before he had even turned out the lights.

A shrill ring jolted Olivia out of sleep a few hours later. Brian fumbled around on the nightstand for his cell phone, looking apologetically at Olivia before answering.

"Cassidy."

"Brian, it's Cragen. I hear Olivia is with you."

"That's right." Brian nodded, suppressing a yawn and sitting up in the bed.

"Do you think she would be willing to come in today to give her statement? We tried to give her a little time but we really need to get this from her sooner rather than later. I won't let this case fall due to technicalities and you know Lewis will exploit every single infraction."

"Sure. We'll see you in a few hours."

"Thanks, Brian." The older man mumbled before hanging up the phone.

Olivia gingerly sat up in the bed and waited patiently for her boyfriend to end the conversation. She looked at him expectantly as he pressed the "end call" button and set the phone back on the nightstand.

"Who was that?"

"Cragen. He needs you statement. We're going in this morning."

Olivia looked at him, stunned. "Do you think you should have asked me about that?"

"Why? They need a statement from you and they've been waiting for you to be released. If they wait any longer, Lewis' lawyer can argue that you don't remember everything correctly or that you had time to formulate a story." He stated, unemotionally.

Olivia sighed, completely resigned, and slipped out of bed. She closed the bathroom door behind her and locked it with a decided click. Brian laid back down and was back asleep a few moments later without a care in the world.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Two chapters back to back since you were all so patient between 5 and 6. **

**Happy resolutions are guaranteed. I'm not in the business of writing disappointing fanfics, I promise. However, they've got some stuff they need to work out and Elliot was a complete ass for not calling her after the shooting. There, I said it. :-) As always, thank you for sticking with this. **


	8. Chapter 8

_Olivia sighed, completely resigned, and slipped out of bed. She closed the bathroom door behind her and locked it with a decided click. Brian laid back down and was back asleep a few moments later without a care in the world._

* * *

><p>The desk sergeant was blessedly absent when Olivia and Brian pushed their way into the precinct later that morning. Olivia was beyond frustrated and wanted nothing more than to get this over with. Rage, pure, irrational, Stabler-style rage was slowly simmering in her stomach and she knew that at this point, it would do nothing to help her.<p>

She stepped in the elevator and closed her eyes, exhaling a shaky breath. She couldn't pinpoint where her anger was coming from. Maybe just another coping mechanism. Was this how Elliot felt? If so, she didn't blame him one bit for every dent he had ever made in his locker or for that hole in the wall of the cribs.

This wasn't her life. This wasn't how things were supposed to go for her. And yet, here she was, walking into SVU not as a cop but as a victim.

Victim. She toyed with the weight of that word in in her mind and felt the self-loathing rise up like bile in her throat. Well, there it was. There was the source of the anger.

The elevator dinged signaling their arrival on the SVU floor and Olivia forced her eyes open. Brian stepped off and walked towards Cragen's office, assuming Olivia was close behind him.

Except she wasn't. Olivia was frozen, planted just inside the bullpen staring at her desk. Well, more specifically, the desk directly across from hers.

Elliot.

The burly former detective was staring at her from behind Nick Amaro's desk, only Nick's things were gone, moved across the bullpen, replaced by photos and mementos that Olivia had etched permanently deep within her mind. Mementos that Olivia had been forced to pack up and put in storage. Mementos with which she buried her emotions, her feelings, and her soul after Elliot had left without so much as a phone call.

She felt light headed. She tried to breathe but nothing happened. Her head clouded, the lights dimmed around her, and she stumbled. Elliot must have seen her begin to falter because the last thing she felt were arms around her, just before she lost consciousness and hit the ground.

* * *

><p>"...I think we should call a bus."<p>

"She'll come to, Elliot."

"Brian, she was just released from the hospital. We should call someone."

Olivia could hear them speaking in hushed tones and slowly fluttered her eyes open.

She was laying on the couch in Cragen's office. Cragen was sitting near her knees, his hand on her arm while Elliot and Brian stood in deep conversation near her feet.

"Hey, Kiddo. Welcome back." Cragen smiled, pressing a cold compress to her forehead.

Olivia smiled weakly and moved to sit up. Cragen flexed his hand on her arm and shook his head.

"Stay still for just a little bit, until you're sure you're okay."

Olivia nodded and closed her eyes. Elliot and Brian had stopped talking and had moved closer to the couch. Cragen motioned for them to back off.

"Olivia, when was the last time you ate something besides hospital food?" Craged prodded gently.

"I haven't." Olivia answered weakly.

"I'll get her something." Brian and Elliot both spoke up at the same time.

Cragen rolled his eyes. This was getting obnoxious. "Elliot, go."

Elliot nodded and left the room, closing the door gently behind him.

Brian paced in front of the couch, unsure of what exactly he should be doing. Cragen remained by Olivia's side, moving the compress from her forehead to her neck and back again, just like a father would for an ill child. Olivia kept her eyes closed.

_What in the hell was going on?_

Elliot appeared a few minutes later with a bagel from Olivia's favorite bakery directly across the street from the precinct. Cragen took the cold compress from her forehead and helped ease her into a sitting position.

"Do you feel like you could eat?" Cragen asked gently.

Olivia nodded, hating herself for putting in such a display but feeling too sick to really care. She mumbled her thanks and picked at the bagel non-committally before gingerly taking a bite.

"Cassidy, as soon as Olivia is feeling up to it, take her home. Detective Stabler can take her statement another time."

Olivia choked and went completely white. "What?" She rasped, suddenly staring at her boss with fiery indignance.

"You don't need to spend anymore time here. Just get some rest, Olivia." Cragen said, tenderly.

"That's not what I meant." Olivia glared. "Why is Elliot taking my statement?" Her voice was hoarse but she was proud of the strength behind it, despite how she was feeling.

"Detective Stabler is heading this case now, Olivia. I've pulled Nick and Amanda to cover our incoming cases. Munch and Fin are floating between the two teams."

Olivia stared from Cragen to Elliot and back again.

"Will that be a problem?" Cragen asked. "I felt you would be more comfortable giving your statement to someone you know so well."

_I don't know him at all._ Olivia thought to herself.

"If I'm wrong, I can reassign it. I will tell you, though, that there is no one more committed to closing this and ensuring that the prosecution has an airtight case than Detective Stabler."

"Can I have a moment alone with you, Don?" She asked, still very shaky.

Elliot and Brian left the office, each glancing over their shoulders at her with concern. Don scooted a chair in front of the couch so that he was at eye level with Olivia.

"He's back?" Olivia asked, rubbing her forehead in confusion.

"He's back." Cragen nodded.

"How? What about the red tape? What about IAB?" Olivia's voice rose and she knew she needed to take a breath.

"It was a good shot, Olivia." Cragen said, his voice serious.

"I know that! I fought for him! I was there, I went to IAB to advocate for him but apparently he had already turned in his damn papers!" Olivia was seething. How could he have not said anything to her?

"I know. And he needs to explain to you himself what he's been through the last two years. It hasn't been easy." Cragen leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

"I will tell you, Olivia, that he has been working extremely hard to be able to come back here and I believe he would be here regardless of whether or not you had been abducted. That simply expedited the process."

"I don't understand, Don." Olivia's head was spinning and tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

"I know you don't, and I'm sorry that I can't give you more right now. I've fought with and for Elliot to get him back here but he needs to be the one to explain everything to you. It's his story, not mine and he needs to do it in his own time."

Olivia shook her head in disbelief.

"I thought you would be happy?" Don questioned.

"I don't know _what_ I am." Olivia answered honestly, sighing and running her hands down her face in exasperation.

"He's been through a lot, Olivia. Give him time." Cragen implored.

Olivia didn't have anything else to say. There were no words left in her brain. She felt the familiar numbness creep into her blood and sat back on the couch.

"Okay." She said, shaky but resigned. "Okay."

"Would you feel more comfortable giving me your statement?" Cragen asked.

"Yes." She nodded, completely exhausted.

Don stood slowly and went to his desk. He produced a tape recorder and a notebook. and returned to his seat in front of his detective.

"Let's start at the beginning. Tell me what happened when you arrived at home that evening."

Two hours later, Olivia emerged from Cragen's office. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her arms were protectively pulled across her chest. Don didn't look much better.

Olivia bee-lined for the exit, not stopping to say a word to anyone. Brian followed close behind her and soon the two had disappeared into the elevator.

Elliot stood shakily and made his way to Cragen's office. He stood in the doorway and watched his boss gather his notes before sitting down and pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes.

"Here." He said, handing Elliot the digital recorder. "Keep this between you and the prosecution please. She doesn't need the whole squad knowing what happened to her."

Elliot nodded seriously. "Don, is it as bad as we thought?"

"She wasn't raped, Elliot. But the rest of it? Yeah, it's worse."

Elliot's stomach plummeted. He had known some of what happened in the apartment but once Lewis got her out, well, he was terrified of what he would hear. Elliot took the recorder to the screening room with his notepad. He closed the blinds, turned on a single lamp and pressed play.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: It's short, I know. A necessary filler piece before we get back to the nitty gritty EO-ness. Thank you for your reviews. I adore all of you. **


	9. Chapter 9

Brian had tried. God love him, he had tried but Olivia wanted nothing to do with him after her meeting with Cragen. Actually, if she was honest, she hadn't wanted anything to do with him last night or this morning either.

She was drained, physically, mentally and emotionally by the time she got home. The car ride back to Brian's apartment had been a strained and uncomfortable silence. Thankfully, he had been intelligent enough to refrain from asking questions. Olivia beelined for the bedroom as soon as he pushed the door open and slept for a good portion of the afternoon mostly to avoid having to interact with him.

* * *

><p>Elliot had a visceral need to see Olivia. After spending a better portion of the afternoon analyzing her statement, he needed to see her, to touch her, to be sure she was really safe. He doubted that Brian would even let him in but at this point, he was desperate so he devised a plan.<p>

* * *

><p>Olivia was curled up on Brian's couch later that evening pretending to read book, when a knock on the door startled her out of her marathon zone-out session. She was foggy and red from spending the last hour fighting tears and she frustratedly swiped at the wetness on her cheeks. She stretched her legs and slowly made her way towards the door. Her stomach lurched when she saw the man on the other side through the peephole.<p>

"Liv, I know I'm the last person you want to see but I have some things for you." Elliot called, forever aware of his partner's inner monologue.

Elliot exhaled, deeply relieved, when he heard the locks being undone on the other side of the door. She cracked open the door and held out her hand without looking him in the eye.

"They're heavy." Elliot said, apologetically as he bent down and scooped up two large brown paper bags.

The door opened wider and Elliot stepped inside. He stepped into the apartment and set the bags down on the counter. Olivia's interest was peaked and she cautiously began to uncurl the larger of the two.

"CSU is in it's final stages of processing your place. I went there this afternoon and picked up a few of your more personal items, to make here feel a little more like home." He said, glancing around at the very bachelor pad apartment that had become Olivia's temporary home.

Her heart hurt for the man in front of her and she almost welcomed the feeling. It certainly beat the numbness she had grown accustomed to. Cragen had said he had been through a lot and of that she had no doubt. He looked so worn down. Even so, the betrayal she felt sliced through her body like ice and she shivered involuntarily. And yet, here he was, standing in front of her, offering her nothing but help and support. She truly didn't know how to respond.

"Thank you." She whispered, her voice small and hoarse.

Seeing her for the first time after listening to the tape, after hearing her describe to Cragen the horrific things she experienced and witnessed...Elliot's heart broke. She was so small standing in front of him in leggings and a long sweatshirt. Her heels normally equaled out their height but barefoot, Olivia could easily fit below Elliot's chin.

"Olivia, I know you want me to get out of here and I will but I would really like the opportunity to apologize to both you and Brian. I haven't handled this situation well. Hell, I haven't handled the last two years well. I owe both of you an apology."

Olivia nodded and opened her mouth to answer but closed it again, unsure of what to say. Her anger had been slowly dissipating all afternoon and now she wanted nothing more than things to just be back to normal with them.

The sincerity in his voice pulled at Olivia's heart. The bulldog detective she knew would have never checked his pride enough to think to apologize. This Elliot was so different, so much calmer and more peaceful. This new demeanor was not helping her forget her long-buried feelings for him. Yes, she loved the stubborn, angry man that Elliot could be but this softer side of him awakened a whole new set of feelings in her heart.

"I brought you two dinner. It's Chinese from Lin's, your favorite." Elliot said, motioning to the smaller bag, trying to fill the awkward silence.

"He's not here." She finally stated, proud that her voice was stronger than she felt.

Elliot tilted his head, confusion written on his face.

"He's watching the Giant's game at Murphy's Sports Bar down the street. He won't be home for a while." Olivia stated calmly though Elliot could see the brief hurt that flashed through her eyes. As usual though, she recovered quickly and her face became stoic again.

"Oh. Well, cold Chinese is always good too." Elliot offered and began to zip his jacket in preparation to leave.

The air in the apartment grew thick and pressed down on both detectives like boulders. Olivia chanced a look into his eyes but remained silent, fully understanding his need for her to react, scream, cry, anything,except letting him walk away.

Turning towards the door, Elliot picked up his keys from the kitchen counter and tried to shove them in his jacket pocket.

"Oh. Here's your new phone." Elliot said, pulling a department issued iPhone out of his pocket. He held it out to Olivia, determined that she would at least acknowledge his physical presence by taking the phone from his hand herself.

"Stay?" Olivia asked, softly, feet rooted to the floor. "Have dinner with me?" It was the least she could do since he went to all this trouble.

"I - um - sure." Elliot stuttered, surprised by her request but relieved that she was letting him in. He craved the moments, now few and far between, in which he got to simply be in her presence.

Olivia moved around him and into the kitchen, briefly brushing shoulders with him as she walked past. Elliot slipped his jacket off and set it on the counter before opening the bag of food. They worked in practiced silence, a choreographed dance with which they were intimately familiar, until each detective had their usual order assembled on their plate. Olivia walked to the couch and and set her plate down on the coffee table before returning to the kitchen for drinks.

"El, could you grab the other bag? I would like to see what you brought from my apartment." Olivia called, setting his beer down next to hers.

Elliot set the bag down at her feet as she took a bite of her spring roll.

"Liv, I have to tell you, CSU has done a lot of damage. There's a lot that may have to be thrown away."

Olivia nodded tersely, pulling out a stack of photos held together with a rubber band. She smiled slightly and placed them on the table. She could go through those when she was alone. Elliot had managed to grab her modest jewelry box and the pictures from her nightstand as well. She set each item on the coffee in front of her, only pausing when she pulled out a picture of her and Elliot that she kept on her dresser. The glass was broken and she tenderly ran her finger along the cracks as if she could fix them with her touch. Tears sprang to her eyes and she hastily wiped them away. Elliot gently pulled the frame from her hands to look at it. It was of just the two of them, taken in the bullpen after a long case. He remembered Munch fiddling with his new camera and Olivia pulling him to her side so she wouldn't have to pose for a picture by herself. Munch must have printed it off for her.

"I remember this." Elliot whispered, touching the glass the same way Olivia had.

"It was a long time ago." Olivia asserted coldly, taking the frame from him and setting it next to the others.

Elliot sighed and ran his hands over his face.

"Are we fixable, Liv?" He blurted out, not sure where his sudden brazenness had come from.

"Fixable?"

"You and me. I miss us, Olivia. I fucked up. I know that and I would really like a chance to apologize and try to repair everything that's broken between us."

"Elliot, I can't sit here and listen to excuse after excuse for you not calling me back. I had your back for damn near 13 years, I saved your life, helped deliver Eli, tried to keep your marriage from falling apart, and I deserved better than what you gave me."

"I know and I am so, so sorry."

Olivia was silent. She had craved this conversation for months and now she was fighting the urge to hide from it. Their food sat, forgotten.

"Can I show you something?"

Elliot fished out a coin from his pocket and placed it in her hand. Olivia held it up to the light but she didn't need to. She knew what it was immediately.

"One year sober last week." Elliot muttered.

When Olivia didn't respond, he pulled another item out of his pocket and placed it in her hand. It sparkled in the setting sun coming through the windows.

"Semper Fi, always faithful." She whispered, caressing the gold in her fingers.

"That was given to me when I was honorably discharged. It's supposed to go to your wife or significant other. Kathy never knew about it."

Olivia looked up at him, confused.

"I dug it out of my sock drawer and put it in my pocket the day I went to my first AA meeting. I've been fighting for the opportunity to give it to you ever since."

"Fighting?" Olivia asked, voice hoarse with emotion.

"Fighting, scratching, clawing, trying not to drown. Whatever analogy you want. I was really lost for a long time but getting back to you was always my goal. You kept me alive."

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked as she closed her hand around the medal.

"Do you really have to ask, Olivia?"

"I need to know what you went through, Elliot." Olivia's eyes were serious and concerned as they bore into his.

Elliot drew a deep breath. He had not been planning on telling her any of this tonight. Eventually, yes. But not tonight and certainly not so soon after her abduction.

"Elliot, answer me." Olivia said quietly but forcefully.

Elliot met her eyes and held them, unmoving and unblinking as he toyed with the words that were sure to tear her apart. Olivia handled the straight forward truth much better than when he tried to dance around a subject. She could always read right through his bullshit so he decided to just say it.

"The day before my first AA meeting I tried to eat my gun."

Olivia's eyes grew wide. Her stomach plummeted and her body began to shake.

"Excuse me?" She whispered, deadly serious.

"You heard me." He said gravely, looking down at his shoes, avoiding her eyes, praying he wouldn't have to repeat himself.

Olivia was standing now, pacing in front of the couch. Not Elliot. Not her Elliot. He had always been her rock. Why the hell did he shut her out? She pulled her arms across her chest as if she was trying to collapse into herself.

"What - what right do you have to come in here and lay that on me?! Fuck, Elliot! Why the fuck didn't you call me?!" Olivia was trembling, tears spilling down her face in panicked horror.

Elliot lept from the couch and stood in front of her. .

"Please, Liv. I'm okay. I'm here."

She squirmed away from his grasp. "Don't. You don't get to do this. How many times do I have to prove myself to you, Elliot? How many times do I have to bend over backwards to get you to trust me with shit like this? I could have helped. I could have been there for you!"

"You were." He whispered solemnly.

"What?" She hissed back, not caring how insensitive she sounded.

"You called me twice in a span of ten minutes. I hadn't seen your name on my caller ID in months. I thought you had finally given up on me. Everything was so dark, Liv. I had taken the life of a scared, angry, confused teenage girl who reminded me so much of Kathleen and I had lost you in the process. I kept seeing your face right after I shot her in my head. You looked so horrified. I knew in that moment that everything was over for us. There was no coming back from that."

Tears spilled unbidden down Elliot's cheeks as he stood in front of his ex-partner completely vulnerable. Olivia's chest was aching. She hadn't been horrified, she'd been terrified for Elliot that. She knew what taking that shot had cost him.

Elliot moved to sit down again.

"I picked up a bottle as soon as I got home that day and didn't put one down until a year later. I was wrecked, Olivia, and you were the only person and the last person I wanted to talk to. I couldn't handle the disappointment I knew would be in your voice. I just couldn't do it. But when you stopped calling, I stopped caring."

A sharp intake of breath caused Elliot to look up from his seat on the couch and directly into Olivia's eyes. She had a hand against her mouth and her body was beginning to shake with unshed emotion.

"Let me make this clear, Olivia." Elliot said, gently. "Nothing that happened is your fault. You hold no blame or responsibility for anything that has happened over the last two years. I knew that you would eventually get tired of my continued abandonment and stop calling. I knew that and I was waiting for it so that I could finally end things."

Olivia moved to the couch now and sat by Elliot, thighs brushing. She reached out and took his shaking hand in hers, encouraging him to continue.

"It had been two months since I had heard from you but that day, you called me twice. Both times, I had my gun in my hand. I knew then that I still had a glimmer of a chance with you and instead of pulling the trigger, I called Cragen. He took me to my first AA meeting and I've been going regularly ever since."

Olivia could no longer hold any of her emotions back and she pulled Elliot towards her, burying her face in the crook of his neck. He wrapped his strong arms around her and held her as she sobbed with abandon. Elliot twisted his fingers in her hair and released a shuttering sob. He bend his head and placed a gentle kiss on her shoulder.

"It's okay, Liv. It's okay." He whispered against her skin.

She shook her head vigorously. "It's not okay." She mumbled back. "I should have - I should have done more."

"There was nothing you could have done, Olivia. I need you to believe that." Elliot gently pushed her away so he could look in her eyes.

Elliot let out a shaky breath. "I've been seeing a therapist twice a week. They admitted me in inpatient for a few days and they put me through an outpatient program. Now I just go once a week on my lunch break."

Olivia swiped the tears from her cheeks and folded her legs underneath her so she was facing Elliot with her knees touching his thigh. Her chest was sore with the weight of his confession and she could tell that he wasn't faring much better.

"El, I don't want you to leave me tonight. I don't want you out of my sight."

Elliot offered her a small smile. "I'm okay now Olivia. You don't have to worry about me."

"I know but I'm not okay." She whispered, dropping her head to the side of his shoulder. "I almost lost you. I can't go through that again."

"I know the feeling." Elliot said, wrapping his arm around her and tracing tiny circles into her back. She slid her legs over his and tucked herself into his side. Elliot leaned back on the couch and held her tightly to him. He felt her breathing slow to a calmer, more relaxed pace and eventually even out altogether. Her body relaxed in sleep against his and he relished the feeling of her weight pressing into his side. Elliot closed his eyes and continued to draw patterns on her back until he too fell fast asleep.

Hours later, the sun had set completely, leaving the luminescent city lights as the only light in the apartment. Elliot and Olivia and settled unconsciously against each other, reclining further into the couch until they were almost laying down.

The front door clicked open and a very drunk Brian Cassidy stumbled in. Olivia's anxiety kicked in immediately and she awoke with a start, sensing that someone was in the apartment. She saw Brian illuminated by the refrigerator lights, fishing for a beer. She glanced at the clock on the DVD player in front of her. 2:34 a.m. Fantastic.

Olivia untangled herself from her admittedly very comfortable pillow, and stood up from the couch. The the Semper Fi medal sparkled in the dark and made her smile briefly before she walked over to the kitchen. She made her way over to the counter and stood silently, knowing her presence would startle him.

"Brian." She whispered, not wanting to wake Elliot.

"Hey, Liv!" Brian spun around on unsteady legs, holding a beer in each hand.

"Giants won! Here, have a beer with me!"

"Brian, it's 2:30 in the morning. I don't want a beer. You need to get to bed." Olivia answered rather sternly. She was so not in the mood for this.

Brian slinked around the counter, beer in hand and wrapped his arms around Olivia from behind. He slowly crept his hands underneath her shirt. She squirmed out of his reach and turned to face him.

"Brian, no. I am not having any part of this right now. You're drunk."

"And you're fuckin' hot. C'mon, Liv. Let's go have fun. It's been forever."

Olivia rolled her eyes and crossed her arms protectively in front of her.

"You know, O-liv-i-a, you're a real buzzkill." Brian hissed, popping open the second beer and downing half of it in one go.

"How many have you had tonight?"

"Clearly not enough. I can still hear you bitching."

Olivia knew Elliot was awake. She could sense him moving towards her even in the darkness.

"That's enough Brian." She whispered in an attempt to keep Elliot's anger at bay.

Brian placed his hands on either side of her, caging her between his body and the counter.

"It's enough when I say it's enough, Olivia." He hissed, grabbing her hair at the nape of her neck and pulling her mouth to his.

Olivia pushed her hands against his chest but he lurched forward, hitting her lower back hard against the granite countertop. She cried out just before Elliot's hands wrapped around Brian's arms, yanking him away from her.

"What the hell?!" Brian yelled as he stumbled backwards. "What the hell are you doing here? Are you fucking kidding me, Olivia?"

"Calm down, Brian." Elliot rasped, standing protectively in front of Olivia who was almost doubled over in pain.

"Get out!" Brian yelled, coming within inches of Elliot's face.

"Fine." Elliot said, eerily calmly.

Olivia stood up straight and looked back and forth between the two, equally seething men. She walked between them, brushing her shoulder very intentionally against Elliot's chest. She picked up the bag of mementos he had brought to her and set the on the counter. She then went into the bedroom without saying a word, and grabbed the duffle bag of clothes that Rollins had assembled for her. Making eye contact with Elliot she brushed passed the two men and opened the door. Elliot spun around, picked up the bag from the counter and followed her outside. He fought the urge to slam the door in Brian's stunned face and calmly closed it instead.

Olivia was halfway to the elevator before she collapsed in tears. She slid down against the wall, silent sobs wracking her body. Elliot knelt down in front of her and gently placed his hands on her knees.

"C'mon, Liv. I'm here. Let's get out of here." He whispered, soothing her with his gentle tone.

He pulled her up and slung the duffle bag over his shoulder. He placed his hand on her upper back and carefully led her to the elevator. Olivia leaned against the metal wall and closed her eyes. Elliot gently took her hand in his as a silent show of support. They were truly in this, whatever this craziness was, together now.


	10. Chapter 10

_He pulled her up and slung the duffle bag over his shoulder. He placed his hand on her upper back and carefully led her to the elevator. Olivia leaned against the metal wall and closed her eyes. Elliot gently took her hand in his as a silent show of support. They were truly in this, whatever this craziness was, together now._

* * *

><p>Olivia was glued to Elliot's side with her hand still entwined with his when he finally pushed the door to his apartment open. She was numb again and completely exhausted. Her back ached and she was pretty sure she could feel her skin swelling. The hit had jarred her ribs as well and they ached with renewed fervor.<p>

Elliot flipped the lights on and led the tired detective into the apartment. She pulled at his hand and walked them back to his bedroom. She slid off her shoes as she entered the room and pulled the comforter back, slipping into his bed fully clothed. She kept a hold of his hand as he lay down beside her, gently stroking her hair.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia." He whispered.

She shrugged.

"Talk to me." Elliot implored.

"He's a bastard. I knew that a long time ago."

"Does he love you?"

"He says so."

"Do you love him?"

"No."

"Good." Elliot sighed.

"Nice. Glad your intentions to apologize earlier were sincere." She rolled her eyes but let a gentle smile form on her lips.

"You said it yourself, he's a bastard." Elliot shrugged and smiled back at her.

"You know, you really haven't changed as much as I thought." Olivia mused.

"Is that a bad thing?" Elliot asked, laughing now.

"No." Olivia answered, moving her hand to his bicep and giving it a quick squeeze. "No, it's not."

She fluffed her pillows and rolled onto her back, wincing as she did so.

"Let me see."

"I'm fine, El."

"Let me see anyway."

Olivia huffed but sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed facing away from Elliot and gingerly lifted the bottom of her shirt with her good hand. Elliot knelt on the bed behind her and lifted the other side of her shirt.

"You've got a pretty decent bruise, Liv." Elliot said, tenderly brushing his fingers beneath the welt. Goosebumps broke over Olivia's skin at his touch and she had to muffle a sharp intake of breath.

"Let me get you some ice."

He was gone before Olivia could protest.

A few moments later, Elliot returned with a bag of frozen peas and a dish cloth.

Olivia cocked an eyebrow at him in mock protest.

"What? I'm a dad. I've healed many a bruise with frozen peas."

Olivia's heart sank at the mention of his children. They must have gone through so much over the past two years.

"How are the kids, El?" She asked, tentatively while moving to lay on her stomach.

"I don't know." He answered softly, gently lifting her shirt again and sliding the homemade ice pack underneath the fabric. "Kathy moved them to Florida to be with her folks."

Olivia propped herself up on her elbows to look Elliot in the eyes a little too quickly but ignored the pain in her ribs.

"What?! Even Maureen and Kathleen? Aren't they almost done with college?"

"She threatened to pull her portion of their tuition money if they stayed in New York."

"Wow. Just...wow."

"I talk to them on the phone as much as she'll let me. They know you're okay. They were really worried about you."

"That's sweet."

"They love you, Liv. They always have."

Olivia's heart quickened with emotion and she put her head down on her forearms. She sighed deeply as Elliot moved the ice up her back, slowly easing the ache. She missed his kids, loved them too, but her heart ached for Elliot to say those words to her himself. Despite the sweet sentiments from his children, she couldn't help but feel sorry for herself.

"What's wrong?" Elliot gently asked.

"Hmm? Nothing." Olivia answered, pushing those long-held and often repressed emotions further down in her gut. She tilted her head to the side and smiled at him.

"How's the pain?" Elliot asked, tenderly brushing a stray piece of hair out of Olivia's eyes and behind her ear.

She shut her eyes at his touch. "Better." She mumbled, enjoying the feeling of his fingers brushing from behind her ear to her shoulder and back to the nape of her neck. He stilled his hand and let his fingers linger against the exposed skin he found there. He tenderly began to massage and knead his fingers of her shoulders and neck, eventually abandoning the icepack in favor of using both hands to work the tension in her muscles.

Olivia hummed in approval and left her eyes closed. Never had he been this bold with their physicality and she was not about to ask him to stop, especially when he was finding knots she didn't know she had. Olivia relaxed into the mattress as Elliot's hands moved from her shoulders to her back. He worked his thumbs between her shoulder blades and down her spine, careful to avoid any movement that would affect her healing ribs. Olivia moaned throatily in spite of herself as he worked his way back up to her shoulders.

Elliot's heart pounded. She had never allowed him to get this close before and he was determined to do whatever he could to hear her moan like that again. He had respected Olivia from the moment she walked into the squad room. That respect had very quickly grown into intense admiration for her ability to do her job with empathy and grace. But somewhere along the way, somewhere in the midst of casefiles, chinese takeout, interrogations, and late night stakeouts, he had fallen irrevocably and irresistibly in love with her. He had tried to ignore and stuff, and repress but each time his feelings bubbled to the surface, he masked them with anger. Gitano was a perfect example of this. He had been so scared of losing her and even more terrified that she would see his true feelings for her that he had lashed out and eventually pushed her away.

_Never again._ Elliot mumbled to himself, lost in recalling the moment that Cragen had assigned him a new partner with the message that Olivia may not be coming back.

"Hmm?" Olivia asked, opening her eyes and raising her head slightly.

Elliot started out of his fog. "Oh, no - nothing." He said, shaking his head. "I was just thinking."

"Well stop that. It's interrupting my massage." Olivia smirked and laid her head back down on the pillow.

Elliot chuckled. "Yes, ma'am." He said, allowing his fingers to dance over her skin once again.

Olivia sighed and relaxed under his touch. A few moments later, she was fast asleep. Elliot removed the ice from her back and smoothed his hands over her swollen skin. He tugged her shirt back down and gently covered her with the quilt at the foot of his bed, praying that she would actually manage to get a good night's sleep. He placed a gentle kiss into her hair as he shut off the bedside lamp.

Elliot pulled a pair of sweatpants from his bottom drawer and quickly changed into them. He shrugged out of his shirt and threw on an old NYPD tshirt and climbed into the bed next to her, keeping an honorable distance from the sleeping detective.

The sound of her breathing so soundly and evenly lulled him into a peaceful and dreamless sleep.

Olivia was not so lucky.

Lewis' hands were around her throat and this time she knew he wouldn't let up. She could see the hatred in his eyes as she gasped for breath. She kicked and flailed but he was untouchable. Her hands went straight through him. There was nothing she could do but slowly suffocate. And suddenly someone was shaking her, pulling her away from him, ripping her from his grasp.

Olivia coughed and sputtered, afraid to open her eyes. Her body trembled and she rolled onto her side, towards Elliot who had moved to sit on her side of the bed, and drew her knees to her chest. Elliot brushed his hand over the side of her face, gently pulling her back to reality.

He whispered her name over and over again while stroking her hair, urging her to come back to him. She blinked slowly and opened her eyes.

"Welcome back. You okay?"

Olivia nodded quickly and took in a deep but shaky breath.

"Wanna talk about it?" Elliot asked, knitting his brows together in concern.

Olivia shook her head and gently pulled herself away from him. She scooted back on the bed and pulled herself into a sitting position.

"I'm sorry I woke you." She whispered, her throat sore from gasping.

"It's okay. I'm concerned about you. Do you want some water?"

Olivia nodded and Elliot climbed out of bed and hurried to the kitchen. Olivia took a moment to steady herself and then stood up to find her duffle bag. By the time Elliot returned, Olivia had changed into her pajamas and was brushing her teeth in the en suite.

Elliot placed two of Olivia's pain pills and a glass of ice water on nightstand before coming to stand in the doorway of the bathroom.

Olivia splashed some water on her face and dried off with the hand towel. She smiled shyly at Elliot as she approached the door and squeezed his shoulder in thanks as she walked past. She popped the pills into her mouth and swallowed a mouthful of water before glancing back at Elliot.

"I should move to the other bedroom. I'm sure you would like your bed back." She said.

"Not a chance. Lay down, Olivia. I can go to the couch if you want."

"No, stay. It's your bed."

Elliot nodded and moved around to his side of the bed. Olivia climbed in as well and pulled the covers over her chest. Elliot switched the lights off.

"'Night, Liv." He whispered into the darkness.

"Night, El."

* * *

><p>Elliot's phone buzzed entirely too early for his liking. He swatted at the nightstand in an attempt to shut off the alarm. It took him a few moments to realize that he was getting a phone call. He sat up groggily and silenced his phone so that he wouldn't disturb Olivia more than he already had. She was awake, however, and lazily stretching her arms above her head.<p>

Elliot swung his legs over the side of the bed and clicked the phone on.

"Stabler." He muttered groggily as Olivia disappeared into the bathroom.

"DAD! Geez! Took you long enough!"

"Kathleen? What number are you calling from?" Elliot asked, shutting the bathroom door and walking into the living room.

"We got new phones. Mom said she would give you our new numbers. Guess that was a lie. Anyway, would you open your door? I'm tired of standing in the hallway."

Elliot almost dropped the phone as he rushed to the door. He pulled it open, shock painted across his face as Kathleen bounded into his arms.

"Wha - how - you're here!" Elliot stuttered.

"Very astute, dad." Kathleen smirked, shrugging her jacket off and stepping into the kitchen.

"Does your mother know you're here?"

Kathleen turned sharply to face her dad who was shutting the door. "No. And if you tell her, I will murder you. And I know how to get away with it so do not tempt me."

Elliot rolled his eyes but smiled at his energetic daughter. "How did you escape?"

"She thinks I'm spending the weekend at school. What she doesn't know can't hurt me."

Kathleen dropped on to the leather couch and sank back into the cushions, tucking one of her legs underneath her and facing the kitchen where Elliot stood still in awe.

"So what's up? I'm thrilled you're here, don't get me wrong, but knowing you, you have a clear motivation for being here." Elliot smiled.

"I want to see Olivia. I need to see for myself that she's okay. The things they said on the news about what that man had done...I...I just want to see her and hug her."

Elliot sat down next to his daughter and wrapped his arms around her.

"She will be thrilled." He said.

"So, I decided to stop by here and drop my stuff off before I headed to break down her door and force her to see me." Kathleen said, smiling mischievously. "It's okay that I stay here, right?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way. But you don't need to leave to see Olivia. She's in the next room."

Kathleen's eyes lit up and she practically flew off the couch.

"Her apartment is still a crime scene so she's staying here for now." Elliot explained. "But, she may have gone back to bed. Let me go check."

Elliot stood up as well and kissed Kathleen on the forehead before heading back to the bedroom. Olivia had just stepped out of a quick shower. She had just finished dressing and was pulling her hair into a loose, wet ponytail when he walked in.

"We have a visitor." Elliot said, standing in the doorway.

Olivia rolled her eyes in dismay. "Seriously? It's like 9 a.m. and I swear to God if it's Brian I will punch him."

Elliot laughed. "No, it's someone you like."

"Someone I like?"

"Someone you adore, actually, if I remember correctly."

"I do not adore many people, Elliot. This person wouldn't happen to have the last name of Stabler, would they?"

"Quite possibly." Elliot answered, enjoying their long forgotten but easy banter.

Olivia's face lit up.

"It's Kathleen, isn't it?"

"How in the world could you have possibly known that?" Elliot said, raising his eyebrows and moving so Olivia could walk past him.

"Because there is no way, after what you told me about Kathy, that she would let any of your children come back to New York. Kathleen is the only one with big enough balls to either defy her or sneak away to another state."

Elliot beamed. "You know my children so well."

"And I adore them." Olivia nodded and she pushed the bedroom door open.

_TBC..._


	11. Chapter 11

"_Because there is no way, after what you told me about Kathy, that she would let any of your children come back to New York. Kathleen is the only one with big enough balls to either defy her or sneak away to another state."_

_Elliot beamed. "You know my children so well."_

"_And I adore them." Olivia nodded as she pushed the bedroom door open._

* * *

><p>Kathleen was standing by the window, looking out onto the street below when Olivia came out of the bedroom. Tears were already pricking the older woman's eyes.<p>

"Kat!" Olivia choked, emotion getting the best of her finally.

Kathleen turned and ran to Olivia, pulling her into a gentle but firm embrace. Tears ran down Olivia's face.

"God, I missed you sweetheart." She cooed into Kathleen's hair, rocking them gently back and forth.

"Liv, are you okay?" Kathleen asked, pulling back slightly so she could see Olivia's face. She raised her eyebrows in typical Stabler fashion as she took in Olivia's braced wrist and the healing bruises barely visible now.

"I'm fine. I'm fine, honey." She whispered as Kathleen gently brushed a stray tear away from her face.

"Don't BS me, Liv. Really, are you okay?"

Olivia threw her head back in laughter. "You are your father's child."

"Is he at least taking good care of you?" She smirked, motioning to her father who was still standing in the bedroom doorway.

Olivia smiled and glanced back at Elliot but kept her eyes serious. She needed Kathleen to understand. "Kathleen, in the past week your father has saved me, protected me, put up with my terrible moods, and supported me. I could not, truly could not, get through this without him."

Fresh tears stung Olivia's eyes and Kathleen embraced her again. She had never seen Olivia cry but was grateful that she was allowing her cracks to show.

Olivia heart was bursting. She had spent so many nights thinking about the Stabler kids and missing the them over the last two years. They had all become so special to her over the years but Kathleen inspired her. She had overcome so many obstacles and was more determined than ever to maintain control of her bipolar disorder. Olivia admired her tenacity and her strength. She was certainly the most like Elliot out of all his children. She learned, after her arrest, the value of justice and was just as staunch as Elliot was when it came to doing the right thing.

"C'mere." Olivia whispered, tugging on Kathleen's hand and offering her a reassuring smile. "I want to hear all about school."

Elliot stood back in the bedroom doorway watching his daughter impact more healing in Olivia in one minute than he had been able to since that first night in the hospital. Kathleen talked animatedly about college and her friends but carefully avoided any talk of family. Olivia pried a little and asked about Maureen but Kathleen kept everything brief. Olivia wasn't sure if she was protecting herself from having to talk about something painful or if she was protecting Elliot, so she backed off.

"Want me to make some breakfast?" Elliot asked, coming up behind Olivia and resting his hand on her shoulder.

Kathleen and Olivia each cocked an eyebrow at Elliot.

"You have food?" Kathleen kidded.

"In your refrigerator?" Olivia joined in.

"Ha ha you two. Yes, I happen to have the ingredients to make pancakes. Laugh all you want. I would be perfectly happy to eat them all myself."

Kathleen shot up from the couch and smiled at Olivia before yelling "I'll help!" and bounding into the kitchen.

Olivia laughed and shook her head. She stood up from the couch as well and went about setting the table for the three of them.

"So how long are you staying, Kat?" Elliot asked before shoving a forkful of syrupy pancake into his mouth.

"Just until tomorrow afternoon. I have a flight at 4 back to Sarasota." Kathleen answered.

"I wish you could stay longer." Elliot said, smiling sadly.

"I know, Dad but any longer and mom is sure to find out. Plus, I have a project that I have to work on for psych."

"You know, I really should call your mom and let her know where you are." Elliot smirked.

"You must have a death wish." Kathleen mused, jokingly.

As if Kathy had heard their conversation, Elliot's phone began to buzz.

Kathleen stopped, mid bite and looked from Elliot to Olivia.

"If that is her, don't you dare answer it." Kathleen said, dropping her fork.

"Kat, it's her. Let me just see what she wants."

Olivia rolled her eyes at Kathleen in jest and took another bite of her bacon.

"What." Elliot muttered, completely apathetically into the phone.

"Nice, Elliot. Real mature." Kathy responded in Elliot's ear loud enough for Olivia and Kathleen to hear.

Elliot rolled his eyes and took another bite of his breakfast.

"What do you want, Kathy?"

"Just calling to see how Olivia is doing."

Elliot scoffed. "Right. Sure. Now tell me why you're really calling. Oh, and when were you going to let me know that the kids have new cell phone numbers?"

"I'll email them to you." Kathy answered, unphased.

"No you won't. It's fine. Kathleen called me so I can get the rest from her."

"Fine."

Elliot paused and waited for her to continue or to offer some hint as to why she was calling him but she remained silent.

"Kathy, I'm in the middle of breakfast. If you called to listen to me breathe, I'm flattered but uninterested. So, unless you have some dire need, I am going to go."

"I really do want to know how Olivia is doing." Kathy offered softly.

"She's fine, Kathy."

"Oh, okay. Good. Is she there?"

"Okay, I'm going to hang up now." Elliot said, frustration evident in his voice.

"Elliot, I swear to God if you sleep with her we are going to have major problems." Kathy yelled, voice suddenly angry and elevated.

"Kathy," Elliot said calmly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he did so. "we already have major problems. We're divorced. I don't care what you think or what you threaten me with. I'm hanging up now."

Elliot clicked the phone off and set it on the table.

"What was that all about?" Kathleen questioned, as soon as the call ended.

"She's fishing for information about Olivia." Elliot answered. "She's always been paranoid."

Elliot seemed to so easily brush off the phone call but Olivia's mind was spinning. She had always known that Kathy was suspicious. Hell, half of the squad thought she and Elliot were sleeping together, but this was a new level of paranoia, even for her. Olivia liked Kathy a lot. She had continuously encouraged Elliot to talk to her and make things work with her even when that sentiment made her physically sick.

"So…" Kathleen began.

Olivia and Elliot both eyed her suspiciously, anticipating what was coming next.

"...any reason for mom to be suspicious?" she finished, feigning innocence as she nonchalantly sipped her orange juice.

"No, Kathleen." Elliot answered. "Olivia is my partner and friend. That's all it will ever be, sweetheart."

Olivia wasn't sure what she had been hoping for but it wasn't the stark honesty of his response. Maybe a covert, semi-flirtatious response, but not that. Not a direct shoot down. After all, that's what they had always been. Partners first, then friends and never anything more. She was foolish to have thought for a second that his devoted attention and frequent touches meant more than they did. And she didn't know why she was taking it so personally all the sudden and she couldn't explain why her emotions were flaring and why she suddenly had the urge to cry but she was so thankful when Kathleen diverted the conversation to telling the story of Dickie's latest escapade.

Olivia moved through the rest of breakfast quietly adding to the conversation when necessary but her mood had shifted and she couldn't talk herself out of her funk.

"Liv, you okay?" Elliot whispered, as he and Kathleen stood to clear the plates.

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah, just tired." She replied, standing in preparation to pick up her plate.

"No, I got it. Why don't you go lie down? Your pain pills are on the nightstand." Elliot offered.

"Yeah, okay." Olivia answered.

She kissed Kathleen on the head and walked to the bedroom, shutting the door gently behind her.

"Sorry, Kat. She gets tired easily."

"No, it's fine! I totally understand!" The blonde answered, carrying as much as she could towards the sink.

"Hey, I was thinking maybe the two of us could go out and pick out somethings to make this place seem more homey? Maybe grab Olivia something to cheer her up? What do you say?" Elliot asked, a hopeful expression plastered on his face.

Kathleen couldn't resist.

"Lead the way." She answered, slipping her arms through her jacket and unlocking the front door.

"Let me just go tell Olivia that we're going out."

Elliot shut the door to the bedroom behind him and sat down on the bed next to Olivia. She wasn't asleep but she was sure trying to make him believe that.

"Liv." He whispered.

"Hm?"

She was laying on her stomach, face turned away from Elliot.

"Kathleen and I are going shopping. Feel up to tagging along?"

"No. Thank you, though." Olivia whispered.

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked, concern lacing his voice. He placed his hand on her upper back and felt her flinch the tiniest bit.

"I'm fine. Just tired."

"Okay. I'll have my phone. Call me if you need anything. Are you sure you're okay by yourself?"

"Go be with your daughter, Elliot. She's not in town for very long." Olivia answered, turning her head and smiling slightly.

Elliot could see traces of tears that she had tried to wipe away but he said nothing. He had absolutely no idea what had set her into a tailspin but he figured that the pain in her wrist had simply gotten the best of her.

He squeezed her shoulder gently and walked out of the room.

Olivia sat up and reached for her pain pills. She swallowed one and laid back down. Hopefully, sleep would come soon and help soothe her mood.

* * *

><p>Kathleen and Elliot walked through SOHO scoping out the various shops along the way. They had managed to pick up a few throw pillows at Kathleen's insistence as well as a few picture frames. After they had loaded those things back into the Jeep, Kathleen tugged at her father's hand.<p>

"C'mon. You said you wanted to find something to cheer Olivia up."

"Yeah, got any ideas?"

"Several." Kathleen smiled.

"I figured as much."

"So, you want to tell me why you lied to me earlier?" Kathleen asked.

"Lied to you?"

"To me and Olivia. Why did you say you two would never be more than what was it? Partners and friends?"

"Kathleen…"

"No, I'm serious." She said, pulling her father into a small off-beat jewelry store. "Why do you think she clammed up? That was literally the most dishonest and painful thing you could have said to her."

"Kathleen, stop." Elliot said, pulling her aside. "What are you talking about."

"Oh my god. How are you this dumb?" She rolled her eyes and stepped around her father. She moved along the jewelry counters looking down at the sparkling necklaces and bracelets.

"Wait. Seriously, Kat. Talk to me."

"She's crazy about you, Dad. Crazy about you. How could you not see that?" Kathleen stopped abruptly and turned towards him. She held his gaze as she watched him process what she had said.

"Kathleen, I know the last two years have been difficult but…"

"Dad, that is so not what we're talking about right now. She was in love with you way before you and mom got a divorce. Remember when she brought us all to the precinct for your birthday? Or what about the time she took the time to go see Grandma when you were struggling with my diagnosis. Or how about the amazing care she took of me when I was at rock bottom? What do you think that means? The way she looks at you, Dad, it's more real than anything you ever had with Mom and if you can't see that, you're seriously deranged."

Kathleen continued walking along the display cases but Elliot stood rooted to the spot. He had spent so long denying his own feelings for her. Had he failed to notice that she felt the same way?

Catching up with Kathleen, he tugged at her arm gently and made her face him.

"Did she say something to you?"

"She didn't have to." Kathleen sighed, exasperated. "It's written all over her face just like it's written all over yours right now that you feel the same way. Why are you two so stubborn?"

Elliot paused and rubbed his hands down his face.

"Here!" Kathleen exclaimed suddenly. "It's perfect."

"It's $400." Elliot said flatly.

"So? It's perfect." She asserted, summoning a sales associate to help them.

* * *

><p>An hour later, Elliot and Kathleen pushed open the door to his apartment. They set the bags down on the counter and took off their coats. The dirty dishes had been cleaned and the counters wiped down. All of the ingredients and leftovers had been stored in their absence and Olivia was quietly snoozing on the couch with the television on mute. She was laying on her side with her legs tucked in close. Elliot couldn't help but think about how adorable she looked.<p>

Kathleen set about emptying their bags and handed Elliot a small velvet box for him to hide. He looked at Kathleen with uncertainty but she simply slapped the box into his hand and walked away. Elliot walked into the bedroom and slid the box into his sock drawer.

_That's not the most obvious hiding place ever…_ He thought to himself but shrugged and shut the drawer. He wouldn't be hiding it for that long anyway if Kathleen had her way. He looked down at the box, trying to convince himself that this was a good idea but he was so insecure when it came to Olivia. Elliot sighed and shut the drawer, deciding this would have to be future Elliot's problem.

Kathleen had plopped down next to Olivia on the couch and pulled out a paperback from her purse. She flipped to her dogeared page and settled back against the leather cushion. They looked so natural. Elliot's thoughts were scattered.

"I'm going to take a shower." He announced to no one in particular.

"Kay. We'll be here." Kathleen replied, not looking up from her book.

Elliot grinned and shook his head.

When he returned a half an hour later, Olivia and Kathleen were once again deep in conversation and laughter.

"...Oh my God, this one time Dad comes down the stairs, I don't think he had gotten much sleep, must have been working a case, anyway, he comes down the stairs and Dickie and Lizzie are having a whipped cream fight in the kitchen. I had never heard Dad yell while trying not to laugh. It was hysterical. His face was this fantastic mix of confused, angry, and proud. I don't think Dickie took his yelling seriously after that."

Olivia was laughing, picturing Elliot trying to break up a whipped cream fight, when he came up behind them.

"So that's the way this is going to be, huh? Making fun of me behind my back?" He smirked, coming around to sit on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Did I ever tell you about the time Munch spilled coffee all over Olivia's shirt? On purpose?"

Olivia laughed harder. "He was convinced it was part of some plot. He must have done a lot of drugs in the 60s."

"Yeah, but the best part was the look and lecture you gave him afterwards. I'm pretty sure that's where the nickname 'Badass Benson' came from and I think he's still afraid of you."

"As he should be." Olivia smiled, quite proud of himself. "Had it not been a white shirt, I may not have been so mad!"

Kathleen cackled. "Seriously. 'Badass Benson?'"

"No one calls me that." Olivia said, rolling her eyes.

"Everyone calls her that." Elliot nodded.

Olivia reached out and hit his arm, smiling.

Elliot's phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, groaning when he saw the precinct number.

"Stabler." He barked. "Yeah. No, it's fine. No. I'll be there in twenty."

Olivia looked at him with anticipation, knowing that he had just received an update on her case.

"I'm sorry, Kathleen. I have to go in for a few hours. I'll be back, before you go to bed. I promise."

"It's fine Dad. Olivia and I will have a girls night." She smiled brightly.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." He said, eyeing Kathleen and Olivia.

"Don't worry, Dad. We're actually fun." Kathleen retorted.

Elliot ruffled her hair like he used to do when she was little as he stood up. Olivia was concerned. He had avoided eye contact with her and that mean that he didn't want her to read him. She followed him to the door.

"El." She whispered, reaching out and touching his arm as he reached for the door knob.

He spun around, closer to her than he intended. Her chest pressed against his, making his skin tingle. She jumped back long before he had formed a coherent thought.

"What's going on? Did something happen with the case?"

Olivia was clearly worried and Elliot's heart ached for her.

"No, everything's fine. Nothing to worry about." He responded, as calmly as he could. Truth be told, he was incredibly nervous.

"So why are you going in?"

"Liv, please. I don't want to make things harder for you."

"Dammit, Elliot. Please?"

"Lewis wants to make a statement. He hasn't asked for a lawyer. I'm going to the hospital to take what I hope is his confession."

Olivia stood still. Her stomach had dropped somewhere near her feet.

"El?" She said shakily, looking at him with suddenly terrified and wild eyes.

"I know." He whispered, pulling her in close and wrapping his arms around her. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Please be careful. He's manipulative. He'll use your fears against you. Please, El?"

"I will, I promise." He sighed. "I have to go."

He pulled away and squeezed her arms, offering her a reassuring smile. Elliot waved to Kathleen and shut the door behind him.


	12. Chapter 12

"_Lewis wants to make a statement. He hasn't asked for a lawyer. I'm going to the hospital to take what I hope is his confession."_

_Olivia stood still. Her stomach had dropped somewhere near her feet. _

"_El?" She said shakily, looking at him with suddenly terrified and wild eyes._

"_I know." He whispered, pulling her in close and wrapping his arms around her. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist. _

"_Please be careful. He's manipulative. He'll use your fears against you. Please, El?"_

"_I will, I promise." He sighed. "I have to go."_

_He pulled away and squeezed her arms, offering her a reassuring smile. Elliot waved to Kathleen and shut the door behind him. _

Olivia pulled her arms across her chest as she plopped back down on the couch.

"You know, it's weird." Olivia began. "Even after two years apart, I still have this ridiculous need to protect him. He's the toughest cop I know and he's dealt with a lot worse than Lewis but I still feel like I should be going with him in case something happens."

"I don't think he has." Kathleen said.

"Hmm? Has what?"

"Dealt with worse than Lewis."

Olivia sat up and turned on the couch to face Elliot's daughter.

"Oh, honey. Your dad has put away so many people. It's hard to rank them in order of depravity." Olivia sighed.

"That's not what I mean." Kathleen was serious and her eyes bore into Olivia. "This is something different for him. I'm surprised he's allowed to work it actually. There's no way he can remain unbiased."

Olivia nodded. "You're probably right."

"I don't think he's had to go up against anyone like this before. This is someone who had every intention of taking away the most important person in his life. This is a man that tortured his best friend and the love of his life and I'm not sure he's going to be able to control his anger."

Olivia's breath left her body.

"What?"

"Really, I would be concerned for Lewis' safety more than Dad's."

Olivia was pale.

"Kathleen, what are you talking about?" She asked hoarsely.

"You know Dad's anger problems. You've probably seen it get a lot worse than I ever have. He's been doing a lot better over the past year but I can't imagine he will walk out of this without throwing a punch."

"That's not what I meant." Olivia said, hoarsely.

"Don't play dumb, Liv." Kathleen said, rolling her eyes. "Do you really not see how crazy he is about you?"

Olivia sighed. "You heard him this morning. We're partners and friends. That's it and that's all it ever will be."

"Yep. I heard that ridiculous lie. I'm sorry you had to hear it, though. That must have hurt."

Olivia pulled her knees up to her chest.

"Liv, he can be thick-headed and stubborn. He can be angry and completely frustrating. He can even be infuriating at times but he's also a terrible liar and completely in love with you. He has been for years and all of us kids know that. Hell, we all can't wait until you two finally put your heads on straight."

"Kathleen Stabler, when did you become so bold?"

"I learned from the best." She smirked.

Olivia was quiet, her mind spinning with everything that Kathleen had just laid on her.

"Do you love him, Olivia?" Kathleen said, breaking the silence after a few moments.

Olivia stared at her entwined fingers for a few moments and then sighed. She looked up at Kathleen and straight into her bright blue Stabler eyes and her resolve softened.

"You already know the answer to that."

"Yes, I do. And it's time the two of you did something about it."

Olivia chuckled a little nervously. "That is up to your father. It always has been."

* * *

><p>Cragen had called Elliot halfway to the hospital to inform him that Lewis had been transferred to Rikers that day. A paperwork inconsistency had shown him as still needing medical care but the doctors had released him earlier that morning. Rikers Solitary was his new home.<p>

The journey to solitary confinement was a long walk down a silent corridor. The only sound was Elliot's dress shoes echoing off the concrete. Fluorescent lights flickered above him and the stench of stale air filled his nostrils. He was sick to his stomach. The guards escorting him on either side were staunch but stoic. They didn't say anything, didn't try to make small talk, and for that, Elliot was thankful. He needed time to collect his thoughts before facing Lewis.

The door in front of him was solid iron. There were no windows, only a small hatch under which food could be slid. The guards moved to unlock the door and Elliot steadied himself. He had ignored Cragen's request to bring Fin with him and he was almost regretting that in this moment. Some time in the last two months, Elliot had learned that it was okay to ask for help but more often than not, his stubbornness still got the best of him. Still, Elliot was not at all excited to do this alone. Truth be told, he missed Olivia.

The door creaked open and Elliot stepped forward.

And there he was. William Lewis sat on the bed staring at Elliot.

Smiling.

The bastard was smiling and Elliot's blood began to boil.

He stood as Elliot entered his cell and offered his hand as if he expected Elliot to shake it. Elliot glared at him, eyes narrowed, jaw clenched, heart pounding in a type of fury he hadn't felt since Gitano had sliced Olivia's neck.

"Sit down, Lewis." Elliot gruffed.

Lewis raised an eyebrow and smirked but did as he was told.

"I see it now." He mused, tilting his head to the side.

"See what?"

Lewis smiled again. "Why, when she thought she was going to die, she was only thinking of you."

Elliot lunged at him wrapping his hands around his throat. Lewis cackled almost gleefully as Elliot shoved him into the wall behind his bed and tightened his grip.

"Go ahead, detective. I want you to." Lewis gasped.

Elliot loosened his grip then and stepped back. Lewis rubbed his hands up and down his throat for a moment and then smiled again.

"It's that, right there. That anger that's in you...do you know how long it took me to draw that out of her? Too long, detective. She was so willing to just let me have my way with her."

"Cut it out." Elliot warned, fists clenching at his sides.

Lewis ignored him. "You probably spent most of your time protecting her like little girl, didn't you, Elliot?"

"Why am I here, Lewis?" Elliot asked through clenched jaw.

Lewis looked at him almost with pity.

"To hear my confession, Detective Stabler." Lewis' mouth formed into a sickening cat-like grin. "Don't you want to know every detail of what I did to her?"

Elliot, shaking with rage, took a deep, steadying breath and pulled a tape recorder out of his pocket. Every lesson from his mandated anger management classes replayed in his head and helped to calm him.

"Yeah, I do." He said, smiling, playing along. You can start whenever you're ready."

* * *

><p>Twelve hours later Elliot opened the door to his apartment once more. It was 1 a.m. The lights were off and the apartment was silent. Kathleen had obviously gone to bed but Olivia was propped up sideways on the couch, legs stretched out over the cushions. She had obviously tried to wait up for him but had lost the battle. A book was open against her chest and Elliot's laptop was open on the coffee table though it had long since gone into "sleep" mode. Olivia's head rested on her uninjured arm and her forehead was wrinkled as if in a fitful sleep.<p>

Elliot sat down on the armrest of the couch by Olivia's feet. It was becoming increasingly difficult for him to not touch her so he rested a hand gently on her calf even though he knew it would startle her.

Olivia flinched but rolled over on to her side and snuggled into the pillow behind her.

"Liv." He whispered, running his hand up and down her calf.

He should let her sleep. He knew that, but he couldn't. Not now. Not when every cell in his body needed confirmation that she was okay.

Olivia stirred again and opened her eyes. Seeing Elliot, she hurriedly sat up.

"El. Are you okay?"

He was ghost white and trembling. Olivia knew instinctively what he needed and she wordlessly crawled over the couch cushion, steadied herself on her knees, and wrapped her arms around him. He held her just as he had in the hospital after Eli was born. His fingertips curled and pressed into her back as if he was terrified she would slip away from him. Olivia brought her hand up and ran her fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck. She pulled him impossibly close and let him take what he needed from her. He absorbed every breath, every heartbeat, every slight movement she made. He felt the heat of her breath against his neck and the warmth of her body against his. He ran his hands up and down her back over and over again, reassuring himself that she was with him with each stroke. He heard Olivia take a shuddering breath and knew she was as affected as he was. Only then did tears spill over his cheeks.

Olivia pulled back when she felt the moisture against her neck. She lifted his chin and looked him in the eyes. He was empty, vacant, and distressed.

"El, talk to me." Olivia whispered.

A floorboard creaked behind them causing Olivia and Elliot both to jump.

"Dad?" Kathleen whispered. "Dad, are you okay?"

Elliot squeezed Olivia's shoulder and stood to go to his daughter. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her head.

"I'm fine, sweetheart. I'm fine."

"What happened?" Kathleen asked, pulling away from her father slightly.

Olivia flipped on one of the side table lamps, tilling the room with a dim, warm, yellow light.

Elliot grabbed Kathleen's hand and pulled her towards the couch. He sat down on the coffee table facing Olivia as Kathleen settled in next to her. Olivia wrapped her arms around the girl and Kathleen tucked herself into her side.

"He confessed to everything. Wanted me to hear everything from his point of view."

"Is he still alive?" Kathleen asked.

Elliot smiled slightly. "Yes, unfortunately."

Olivia shifted. There was more to all of this than what Elliot was disclosing but that was okay. Kathleen did not need to have any of that in her head.

"Why don't you two get to bed? I'm going to fix myself something to eat and then come to bed myself." Elliot forced a smile for the sake of his daughter and patted her on the knee as he stood. He headed towards the kitchen and opened the fridge.

Kathleen hugged Olivia.

"Take care of him." She whispered.

"Always." Olivia replied.

With that, Kathleen returned to her room and gently shut the door behind her.

Elliot stood in the kitchen staring blankly into the fridge. Olivia sat and watched him for a few moments before coming to stand behind the kitchen counter.

"What happened, El?" She whispered, her voice kind but concerned.

"Come with me." Elliot said suddenly, turning from the refrigerator, walking around the counter and clasping her hand.

He walked her back to the bedroom, picking up her abandoned paperback along the way. Olivia followed willingly but confused.

"Sit here. Please?" Elliot said, pointing to the bed. "I won't be long, I promise. I have to shower and get that bastard out of my skin.'

Olivia nodded and sat down on the bed.

"Please. I know this sounds ridiculous, but just wait here?"

"Elliot, I'm not leaving." Olivia responded.

It was in that moment that he saw the small medallion that he had given her nestled against her skin on a golden chain she must have gotten from the jewelry box he brought her from her apartment.

Elliot's heart pounded in his chest. He was so wrecked over the shit that Lewis had described. He was destroyed over the fact that he hadn't been there to save her, distraught at the realization that if he had just confessed his feelings for her earlier, he may have been with her when Lewis had shown up and protected her instead of halfway across town feeling sorry for himself. Images of a cut up, burned up, and torn up Olivia flashed through his mind. Scenes of her unconscious or drunk in the back of that SUV, so close to rescue and so close to death played over and over again. He pictured Lewis showing her the blowtorch as he had described to him, he pictured the fear that must have flashed in her soulful and bright brown eyes.

Elliot wasn't aware of his actions anymore. Before he realized what he was doing, he was in front of Olivia, kneeling on the bed and holding her face in his hands. He softly dragged the pad of his thumb along her bottom lip. Olivia's breath hitched as she stared into his now fiery eyes. Elliot pressed his lips to hers gently, sliding against her mouth in tender nips and pulls. Olivia relaxed and parted her lips, and then he was gone leaving her breathless and confused in his wake.

Olivia brought a trembling finger to her lips in an effort to understand what had just occurred. She listened in shocked silence to the water turn on and the shower curtain pull back and knew that she had at least five minutes before she would have to face his inevitable apology and his "that shouldn't have happened." She ran her fingers delicately over her bottom lip, still feeling the heat of his mouth on her skin, relishing the memory, Olivia laid back and let herself breathe.. She was totally wrecked and she needed to get it together. It was in the heat of the moment and he had been scared to lose her. It probably didn't mean anything to him. Still, they would have to talk about it eventually and she was not looking forward to hearing his apology or his "I don't know what came over me" excuse.

The shower clicked off and Elliot pulled a clean towel off of the nearby rack. He had kissed Olivia. That was never how he had ever imagined their first kiss would be but he just couldn't help himself. He so desperately needed to feel her.

"_Fuck."_ He thought. Panic set in as he pictured Olivia running from what had happened. He couldn't lose her, not again.

Elliot towel dried and threw on a pair of boxers, sweat pants and a t-shirt. He opened the door quickly only to find Olivia sitting calmly on the bed reading the book she had been reading earlier.

She looked up at him as the door opened, brown eyes piercing blue.

"Feel better?" She asked.

Elliot could hear the fear and hostility in her voice. She was protecting herself; building walls again.

"Liv, we should talk." Elliot responded, walking over towards the bed.

"That's what I suggested when you got home."

"I know." Elliot answered, hanging his head slightly and letting out a breath. He ran his hands over his head and down his face.

"Sit." Olivia said, voice calmer, patting the spot on the bed next to her.

Elliot did as he was instructed and Olivia turned and sat cross-legged facing him.

"What happened with Lewis, Elliot?"

"He confessed."

"For 12 hours?"

"11 hours. He remembers every detail. He shared what I can only assume was every sick, twisted minute. I spent the last hour in the bathroom getting sick."

Olivia was silent.

"How did you survive that?" Elliot asked quietly, staring down at his knees.

"Same way you survived the last two years."

Elliot didn't understand and he tilted his head so he could see her.

"You." Olivia whispered, afraid of her own words. "I kept thinking 'If I can just survive one more hour...'" Her voice caught in her throat and she stifled a whimper..

Elliot pulled her to his chest.

"I wish I had been there to protect you." Elliot lamented, rocking the two of them gently side to side.

"You were in your own version of hell, Elliot. There isn't anything you could have done."

"Still, I wish things were different for you. For us."

"You haven't apologized yet." Olivia said, a confusion spreading over her delicate features as if she had just remembered something important.

"Apologized for what?" Elliot asked, pulling away from her slightly.

"Kissing me." She whispered.

"I don't regret it." he answered, matter-of-factly and shrugging his shoulders.

Olivia gazed up at him perplexed.

"Stay here for a sec." Elliot said, suddenly, untangling himself from Olivia and walking towards the dresser.

Pulling out a small velvet box, Elliot made his way back to the bed. Olivia's eyes were red but she had stopped crying and was trying desperately, between shaky breaths, to maintain control over her emotions.

"Here." Elliot whispered, handing the box to Olivia. "Kathleen and I picked this out for you earlier today. I think, now, more than ever, it fits you."

Olivia looked at Elliot, eyes shining, and popped open the box. Nestled inside was small bracelet complete with a golden anchor held by several strands of gold chains on either side.

"Anchors are a symbol for hope. Kathleen thought it would be good to wear on your wrist once it heals to remind you that you have a safe place to anchor whenever you feel hopeless."

Tears streamed down Olivia's face unchecked.

"She loves you, Liv," Elliot said, tilting her face up to look at him "and so do I."


	13. Chapter 13

_"Anchors are a symbol for hope. Kathleen thought it would be good to wear on your wrist once it heals to remind you that you have a safe place to anchor whenever you feel hopeless."_

_Tears streamed down Olivia's face unchecked. _

"_She loves you, Liv," Elliot said, tilting her face up to look at him "and so do I."_

* * *

><p>Olivia was off the bed, jewelry box discarded, before Elliot could react.<p>

"That's not funny, El." Olivia said, pulling her arms into her chest and crossing them in front of her. "You don't get to use those words."

Elliot stood and walked cautiously around the bed, hands up defensively in an attempt to calm her.

"Why?" He asked calmly.

"What do you mean, 'why?' You know why! You know what those words mean to me and for you to throw them out so haphazardly when you don't mean them is so unfair. I have never, ever let anyone say those words to me and this is why! You don't get to take that away from me."

Olivia was shaking. This was a line they didn't cross, not even after 2 years of silence. He knew her boundaries and this was a big step over the line for her.

"Take what away from you?" Elliot asked, quietly, stepping a little closer to Olivia.

"You don't get to cheapen those words, Elliot. You don't get to take away their power." Olivia said a little softer, as she furiously brushed the tears away from her cheeks and stared at him.

"Olivia, I think you and I have very different interpretations of what just happened. Can we sit and talk about this?"

"I'm fine standing." Olivia asserted and Elliot knew it was her way of keeping one foot out of the door incase she felt like she needed to run.

"Olivia, how do you think I meant those words?" Elliot asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed, facing Olivia.

"How can you even ask me that? You said at breakfast this morning that we were partners and friends and that was it and if I remember correctly 'that's all it's ever going to be.' So I know exactly how you meant those words, Elliot, and it's not fair for you to throw them around so flippantly."

"Flippantly!?" Now Elliot was starting to get angry. "Flippantly? How could you say that? It's like you don't even know me, Olivia. What I said at breakfast was for Kathleen's benefit and that was it. I'm sorry if it hurt you but I wasn't about to put my daughter in a situation she may have been uncomfortable with. Turns out she would have been ecstatic and she called me on my bullshit while we were out shopping. If I had done what I wanted to in that moment, I would have kissed you until you forgot your own name."

Olivia was silent, arms firmly crossed in front of her stomach, staring into Elliot's bright blue eyes that were now shining with determination.

"Olivia, please. I'm sorry if I said something that you weren't ready to hear but that doesn't make it any less true. I've loved you since the day you walked into the squad room and I have fallen more and more in love with you each day since then. You're my foundation, Liv. You keep me steady, you've taken the time to try to understand me in a way that no one else has."

Elliot took a breath to steady himself. Olivia's expression was unreadable and unchanged.

"I love you, Olivia Benson and I'm sorry if this is too much for you right now but God, after talking to Lewis today I simply can't imagine a world where I don't wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep holding you every night. I'm done pretending that there is nothing between us. I can't stand it anymore. So, yes, I understand exactly what those words mean to you. I understand that you never even heard those words from your own mother and that you've never, ever let anyone say them to you because of the pain you feel but Olivia, I'm not going anywhere. I won't abandon you. I won't leave you. Hell, I can't even breathe without you. I'm drowning here, Liv. Please?"

Elliot didn't even know what he was asking for anymore. He had never been so raw and vulnerable before and it was taking every bit of strength he had to not run from his confession. His shoulders slumped and he put his head in his hands.

With tears streaming down her cheeks, Olivia took a tentative, shaky step forward. She knelt down in front of Elliot and brought her hand up to rest on his cheek. Elliot closed his eyes and released a trembling breath. He leaned into her touch as she began to stroke her thumb gently across his cheekbone.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, voice laced with emotion.

Elliot opened his eyes and met her uncertain and scared stare.

"No. You didn't do anything wrong. You have nothing to apologize for."

"Yes, I do." Olivia breathed, choking back a sob. "I should have done this a long time ago."

Olivia brought Elliot's face down towards hers and rested her forehead against his. She could feel his breath on her lips and she allowed the chill of anticipation to spread through her. Oliva wetted her lips and slowly slid her mouth over his. He opened to her immediately and when she cautiously introduced her tongue, he was completely lost to her.

Elliot brought his hands up to frame Olivia's face. He gently pulled so that she was standing, not breaking connection with stood with her and wrapped his arms around her back, pressing her firmly to him. Elliot brought a hand up and tangled it in her hair. She sighed and smiled against his lips, scraping her fingernails lightly down the muscles of his back.

Elliot dragged his lips from Olivia's mouth and moved them down the long column of her neck. He sucked and nipped, soothing any marks with his tongue. Olivia's knees buckled at the sensations flooding her body but Elliot held her steady.

"Is this real?" She whispered, pressing the words into the side of his neck.

"I have no idea but I am not about to question it." He answered before turning his attention back to her neck.

Olivia moaned as Elliot licked the sensitive flesh behind her ear. She brought her hands up and played with the short hair at the back of his neck. Her body was buzzing with an electricity she had never felt before and she knew they needed to slow down and take a breath.

"El," She whispered breathless, bringing her hands to his shoulders "Stop for a sec. Slow down. We should talk."

Elliot's lips left her neck with one last open mouthed kiss. He pulled back, chest heaving, and looked at her with worried eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asked, fear creeping into his voice.

"I - I just - " She sat down on the bed, frustrated, and covered her face with her hands.

She felt the bed dip next to her as Elliot sat down. He placed a reassuring hand on her knee and began to trace small circles with his thumb.

"Olivia, whatever you're feeling, it's okay. I'm putting a lot of pressure on you and I'm so sorry. That's the last thing you need right now."

"No," Olivia said, fervently, snapping her head up and locking eyes with her partner. "That's not what this is. You're putting a lot of puzzle pieces back into place for me. Pieces that have been missing for so long. It's just - I'm damaged goods, Elliot. I don't think I can be what you need me to be for you."

A kind smile spread across his face and he gently tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear.

"Olivia, you are and have always been my partner, my better half. Even now when you feel so broken, you are everything I have ever needed. I don't want polished and perfect Olivia who shows up at the precinct with flawless makeup, a badass attitude, and walls so high I would never have a prayer of climbing them. Don't get me wrong, I love that Olivia too. She's really sexy."

Olivia rolled her eyes and put up a hand to stop him but he simply took it in his own and brought it tenderly to his chest, directly over his heart.

"But this Olivia, this vulnerable, healing Olivia, has me crawling on my knees begging to be let in. I don't see broken or damaged. I see strength and I see another side of you that I am privileged enough to get to experience."

Olivia was trembling at his words and he felt her emotion as he gazed into her deep mahogany eyes.

"I love you." She whispered, closing the distance between them and pressing her lips to his once again.

It was a tender kiss filled with emotion and care and she melted into his arms breathless.

"I love you too." Elliot answered, his voice catching on a strangled sob in his throat.

"Do you mind if we just sleep, Elliot?" Olivia asked, tentatively running her fingers up and down his forearm. "I'm really tired."

"Only if I get to hold you tonight." He answered, tilting his head towards her and kissing her temple lightly.

"Deal." She whispered, smiling.

Elliot reached behind him and picked up the discarded bracelet. He took Olivia's good wrist and fastened it around. It fit her perfectly and she moved her arm back and forth, allowing the gold to reflect the soft bedroom light.

"Thank you." She said, turning her head into the crux of Elliot's neck and kissing him softly.

Elliot pulled her back and kissed her gently once more. He was quickly becoming addicted to the feeling of her soft, full lips against his.

A few minutes later, Elliot and Olivia had both freshened up and gotten ready for bed. Olivia climbed into what had become her side and snuggled against the muscular detective next to her tucking her head into the soft flesh of his shoulder.. Elliot pulled her into his side snugly and draped his arm around her, settling at her waist. He gently eased up the fabric of her shirt so that he could tease the soft flesh beneath it. Olivia sighed and snuggled in deeper. They were both asleep moments later, lulled by even breathing and gentle heartbeats.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I apologize that this is so short. It didn't feel right continuing the story right away. I didn't want to cheapen this moment between them. **

**In other news, your reviews are fantastically wonderful and absolutely make my day. Thank you for sticking with this and for indulging me. You are, by far, my favorite human beings on this planet. **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I apologize for the delay. Happy December!**

* * *

><p>When Olivia awoke several hours later, the sun was painting the wooden floor with light and color. The silence of the room was staccatoed by occasional muffled snores from Elliot. Olivia stretched against him, extending her body down the side of his and taking the opportunity to inventory some of those unseen muscles she knew were hiding under his work clothes. She brushed her legs against his gently, feeling his strength against her skin and sighed. She felt safe for the first time in a long time. Her heart bubbled with contentment and she realigned herself with him and snuggled in again, moving against him just slightly and making sure to attach herself to as much of his exposed skin as she could without waking him.<p>

She felt like a ridiculous, love-sick even, but in the light of the morning she could not find the motivation to care. Usually, she would mentally chastise herself for her inability to have control over her emotions but today, not a chance. She tentatively placed her long, smooth leg over his and tangled their limbs together.

Elliot pulled Olivia closer and nuzzled her neck.

"Good morning." He mumbled into her hair, causing Olivia to shiver and giggle.

"Hey." She whispered, turning just slightly so that she could see his face.

"Olivia Benson, did you just giggle?" Elliot smirked, eyes alight.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She answered, smiling warmly up at him.

Elliot pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and she closed her eyes and sighed.

"Can I take you to dinner tonight?" Elliot asked, running his fingertips along Olivia's arm.

She nodded against his chest. "What time does Kathleen need to be at the airport?"

"Her flight takes off at 4 so I should get her there probably by 3."

"Do you mind if I tag along? I don't want to interrupt but I would love to see her off."

Elliot turned slightly to look at her. "I assumed you would be coming. Have I mentioned that I'm never letting you out of my sight again?"

She rolled her eyes at him but he quickly captured her lips in a light, gentle kiss that was over far too soon for her liking.

"We can drop her off then come back and get ready for dinner." Elliot said, closing his eyes again and resting his forehead against hers.

A clattering from the kitchen startled both of them and Elliot jumped up to investigate.

"Kathleen?" Elliot called out, not immediately seeing the source of the noise.

"Hey, sorry to wake you." The young blond said, standing up from behind the counter, holding a metal mixing bowl.

"I was up. You okay?" Elliot asked, rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn.

"Yeah, just trying to find a mixing bowl. How do omelets sound this morning?" She asked, setting the bowl down and turning towards the fridge to look for eggs.

"Oddly domestic." Olivia piped up, pulling a sweatshirt down over her head and coming to stand beside Elliot.

Elliot rested a hand on her lower back and planted a light kiss into her hair.

Kathleen looked up and smiled at them. She gave Olivia a knowing look before saying "I know, right? I was surprised Dad even had plates and silverware when I first got here."

Olivia chuckled and shook her head at Elliot. "Me too, Kat. Me too. Here, let me help."

As the girls worked in the kitchen, Elliot picked up the morning paper from outside his door and stretched out on the couch.

Breakfast was leisurely and filled with warm laughter. Kathleen entertained Olivia and Elliot with Kathy's reactions to every boy she got up the nerve to bring home. Her facial expressions and impersonations were dead on and sent both detectives into fits of poorly suppressed laughter Elliot's hand found Olivia's somewhere between Kathleen's tales of the guy with the eyebrow piercings and the one who rode his dad's motorcycle. Olivia laced her fingers with his and smiled discreetly causing Kathleen to stop mid-sentence.

"Something you two want to share with the class?" Kathleen asked, eyebrows raised.

Elliot looked from his daughter back to Olivia but remained quiet, letting her take the lead.

"I think we decided to follow your advice, Kat." Olivia smiled warmly at the girl who squealed loudly before Olivia could finish her sentence.

"Oh, Liv! I'm so glad." She said, rushing to give Olivia a hug.

"Why don't we try to keep this between just us for now?" Elliot asked, smiling at his daughter. "It's brand new and Olivia is still recovering. I don't want to overwhelm her with the entire Stabler crew all at once."

Kathleen nodded from her now perch on Olivia's knee. "I get it. Dickie would go nuts. He still thinks he and Liv are destined to be together." She said, batting her eyelashes dramatically.

Olivia choked, sputtered and laughed all at once.

"Oh yeah." Kathleen continued, rolling her eyes. "He's had it bad for you for years. I think that time you spent him in the interrogation room really put him over the edge."

"Oh geez. He hated me then!" Olivia said, laughing.

Elliot just shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "Stabler men have good taste." He said, earning himself a hit in the chest from Olivia.

Elliot cleared the plates while Olivia went to shower and Kathleen went back to her room to finish packing. He stood over the sink, thoughts mingling with the soap bubbles, turning over the last few hours in his mind. His heart felt lighter than he could ever remember experiencing. Lewis was a distant thought and the last two years seemed to have disappeared.

* * *

><p>He finished washing and drying the dishes and had just returned to the couch, newspaper in hand, to finish reading when Olivia appeared in the bedroom doorway.<p>

Immediately, Elliot sensed that something was terribly wrong. Ghost-white and trembling, Olivia cradled her phone in one hand and wrapped her other arm protectively over her chest, fingertips resting on her lips.

"Liv?" Elliot stood quickly.

She simply shook her head from side to side in response.

"Olivia, what is it?"

"We need to get Kathleen to the airport now. She needs to get out of the city."

Olivia's voice rose with each word until she was pressed into Elliot's protective embrace.

"Slow down, honey. Kathleen's fine. Everything is fine."

Olivia shook her head against his chest.

"No, it's not." She answered, voice broken.

Elliot carefully pried the phone from her shaking hand and clicked it on. A picture of Lewis, smiling and indignant greeted him followed by the message "_Can't wait to see you again, Olivia. Tell Kathleen I said hi."_

"When did you get this?" He asked.

When she didn't respond, Elliot pressed a kiss to her forehead and walked her over to the couch. Bile rose in his throat but he fought against the urge to show any emotion knowing that it would only make things worse.

"It's a joke, Liv. It has to be. There's no way he escaped Rikers' solitary."

"A joke?! Who the hell would think this is funny? This is a brand new number too! The only people who have it are at the precinct and none of them would do this to me. None of them even know Kathleen is here!"

"Babe, listen." Elliot soothed, tucking an errant piece of hair behind her ear and scooting closer towards her on the couch. "Cragen would have called us by now had something like this happened. Or he would be over here with half the squad and a security detail."

Olivia nodded in understanding but not necessarily acceptance. "I should call Cragen."

Olivia took her phone back from Elliot and pressed Cragen's number in her favorites list. She took a deep, steadying breath and listened as it rang a few times before a breathless Cragen answered.

"Benson, where are you?" Cragen huffed.

"At Elliot's. Why?" She answered, taken aback. She raised her eyes to Elliot's and shot him a concerned look.

"Stay there. I am on my way. Do not open the door until I get there. Do you understand?"

"Don? What the hell is going on?"

"Stay there, Olivia." He said firmly before the line went dead.

Olivia pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it. Elliot took it gently from her and set it on the sofa between them. He outstretched his arms and she fell into them willingly.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing. He didn't say anything except to stay here and that he was on his way."

Elliot sighed into her hair and pulled her closer.

"Whatever this is, Liv, we'll get through it. I've got you and I'm not going anywhere."

Olivia would usually balk at sentiments like that, insistent upon asserting her independence and ability to care for herself. But today she felt like a rung out dish rag, used and sat like this for some time, her muscles weak and bones hollow.. The longer Olivia allowed for silence, the more concerned Elliot became.

Cragen pounded on the door several minutes later and Elliot rose to answer. By this time, Kathleen had returned to the living room and was sitting next to Olivia clutching her hand nervously. Cragen entered, followed by Fin and Munch, both of whom were in full kevlar. Olivia put her face in her hands as they walked into the room and took a shuddering sigh. Kathleen rubbed soothing circles on her back.

Elliot took his place on the other side of Olivia. She immediately sunk into him, turning and resting her head against his chest, eyes still closed as if she was trying to make herself disappear. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her towards him.

Elliot took Olivia's cell phone from the couch and handed it to Cragen. Without a word, the Captain clicked it on and passed it to Munch and Fin.

"Okay," Cragen said on an inhale, breaking the silent tension. "Obviously our first priority is to ensure Kathleen's safety."

Olivia opened her eyes and sat up straight. She nodded vigorously, voice still lost in the panic that was mounting in her soul, and grasped Kathleen's hand once again.

"How?" Elliot croaked. "No one knows she's here. Hell, Kathy doesn't even know she's here and somehow that jackass found out. How are we supposed to fight this if we don't know what he's playing with? How he's getting his information?"

Fin held up Olivia's phone and popped off the case. Inside he found a tiny microchip-looking device and quickly smashed it under his foot.

"I asked myself the same thing when we heard that he had escaped. He sent us a similar text about Kathleen. Your mom knows now, by the way." He said sullenly, looking from Elliot to Olivia and then finally to Kathleen.

"We thought you were still in Florida so we called her to check on you. Maureen finally fessed up to your whereabouts."

It was Kathleen's turn to bury her head now. "Shit. Mom is going to kill me."

Olivia rubbed her knee. "I think that's the last thing on her mind right now, babe. Nothing that's going on is your fault."

Kathleen offered Olivia a halfhearted smile as Cragen continued.

"I went back through everything that had happened after your rescue and the only think I could think of was your cell phone. A new tech guy put it together for me. As you can imagine, he's since disappeared. Lewis was probably paying him off."

"So what do we do?" Elliot piped up again.

"Stay put for now. Let us run point from the precinct. Fin and Munch will be stationed here. Sorry for that, by the way. Amaro and Rollins are way better looking but they are also in Lewis' head and halfway down the rabbit hole with this one already." Cragen said, trying to conceal a smile.

Cragen stood and offered Olivia his hand so that he could pull her to a standing position. He wrapped her in a quick fatherly embrace and then pulled away.

"We'll get him, Liv, but unlike last time, he's not coming back from this alive."

"Captain, you can't…"

"I know, Liv, but believe me, he will give me just cause to pull the trigger and I will be one happy son of a bitch."

Cragen disappeared through the front door after bidding the rest of the group good bye leaving a stunned and shaken Olivia in his wake.


	15. Chapter 15

_Cragen disappeared through the front door after bidding the rest of the group good bye leaving a stunned and shaken Olivia in his wake_.

* * *

><p>An awkward silence fell on the group as soon as the door closed. Kathleen shifted uncomfortably, nervous energy getting the best of her until Elliot put his arm around her and drew her closer to him.<p>

"Why don't you go call mom, Kat? She's probably losing her cool."

"She never had any to lose, Dad." Kathleen answered, falling flat in her attempt to lighten the mood.

Olivia offered her a weak smile and came around the couch to hug her as she stood up.

"I'm so sorry, Kathleen." She whispered into the girl's hair. "I never wanted you caught up in any of this."

Kathleen pulled back and swiped at the tears falling from Olivia's eyes again.

"Olivia Benson, this is not your fault. Besides, I would much rather be here with you and dad, even with a lunatic on the loose than anywhere else."

"You're lying, but thanks for trying." Olivia smiled back at her. "Let's be honest, you would rather be sunning yourself on a gorgeous Florida beach right now and so would I."

Kathleen smiled and hugged Olivia one more time before returning to her bedroom to call Kathy.

Olivia turned back to the group, embarrassed that members of her squad had seen her emotional so much this morning. She steeled herself by taking a deep breath and rejoined the other detectives.

"What's next?" Elliot asked as Olivia sat down on the couch a respectable distance away from him but close enough that she could still reach out and touch him without much effort.

Fin pulled out a schematic map of the building and rolled it open on the coffee table. He went about explaining to Elliot and Olivia exactly where the plain clothes officers would be stationed inside and outside of the building while the manhunt for Lewis was going on. Munch flipped on the television to a low volume and channel surfed until he found the local news. Lewis' picture was already being blasted from every station with the instructions to call SVU if anyone comes in contact with him. Munch then went about closing all the blinds and curtains in the apartment.

Olivia's phone buzzed just as he reappeared from covering the windows in the bedroom.

Fin was closest so he picked it up and held it out of sight of Olivia and Elliot. Munch came around to his other side and muttered "_fantastic" _sarcastically under his breath.

"What." Olivia asked, her tone more a statement than question.

Fin passed the phone to Olivia just a his own phone began to sound in his pocket. Fin answered quickly, receiving information and orders from whom Olivia could only assume was Cragen.

She glanced at Elliot and then clicked the phone on, swiping her finger across the screen to unlock it. Before either of them had a chance to look at the message, Kathleen emerged from the bedroom with a completely perplexed look on her face.

"I can't get ahold of mom." She said quietly, sensing that something wasn't right. "I even called our neighbor who says she saw her leave with man a few hours ago but she didn't recognize the guy. She said mom looked upset."

Kathleen was pale with worry. Olivia turned her attention quickly back to the phone in her hand and clicked it back on. A picture of a smiling Lewis greeted her. He was standing in front of what looked like a hotel or motel bed, a passed out Kathy tied to the headboard fully clothed but definitely drunk or drugged. The message accompanying the picture simply said "Let's see how much Elliot really loves you, Olivia."

Elliot went silent over Olivia's shoulder. She quickly turned the phone off so that Kathleen wouldn't see her mom in that state. She passed the phone back to Fin who turned gently to the girl.

"Your mom's in trouble, Kathleen but we're going to help her."

"What do you mean, mom's in trouble?!" Kathleen asked, voice rising with anxiety.

"Kat, Lewis isn't in New York anymore." Elliot said, rising off the couch and going to his daughter.

"Oh god…" she whispered. "Oh god no."

Elliot wrapped his arms around her just before she collapsed in tears. Elliot pulled into his lab and she curled into him. Shaking and sobbing, Kathleen blindly reached out for Olivia who knelt down and took her hand and began to rub gently circles over her wrist with her thumb.

"Kat." Olivia whispered. "Kathleen, look at me, babe."

Kathleen sniffled and pulled her head from the crook of Elliot's neck.

"These detectives; Fin, Much, Rollins, and Amaro; they know this guy better than anyone. They know his patterns and how he thinks and believe me, they are desperate to get their hands on him. They will find him and when they do, they will bring your mom back safe and sound. He doesn't want to hurt your mom, he's trying to hurt me by using your mom and babe, I am so, so sorry that you are all in the middle of this."

Kathleen nodded and moved from her dad's lap to wrap her arms around Olivia's neck. She felt so small in her arms that Olivia had to remind herself that Kathleen was an adult and not a child. She brushed her hair back from her face and laid a gentle kiss on Kathleen's forehead.

"Why don't you go try and get in touch with Maureen?" Olivia offered, smiling confidently at her.

"Kathleen nodded and stood up. She smiled sheepishly at Fin and Munch and then disappeared into her bedroom once again.

Olivia stood up and ran her hands down her face. She held out her hand for Elliot and helped steady him as he rose to his feet as well.

No one knew what to say so they all just took their seats again in the various chairs and couch in Elliot's living room.

"What did Cragen say when he called?" Elliot asked, looking at Fin.

"He's working with Tampa PD and the Florida State PD. Amaro and Rollins are going down to assist. We're supposed to stay put in case this is a ruse on his part and he's actually in the city."

"Do you think he's actually here? That picture looked pretty authentic to me."

"I don't know. If the neighbor saw her leave the house with someone, it was probably Lewis but it may not have been. It may have been a partner."

"He's never worked with anyone before." Elliot interjected. "He prefers to have complete control over his victims. Alone."

Olivia cringed at his words but nodded her agreement. "He's in Florida. He may decide to bring her up here but right now, he's in Florida probably looking for a new safehouse."

* * *

><p>She stood up suddenly, as if the air had suddenly become impossible to breath in the living room and made for the bedroom without saying word to anyone. She quietly clicked the door closed behind her, hoping that Elliot would be smart enough to let her be.<p>

Olivia could feel her throat closing as if an invisible hand was pressing on her trachea. She fell to her knees by the side of the bed, desperate to calm her breathing as tears sprung to her eyes. She clutched at her chest as the panic washed over her in waves, her whole body heaving with emotion as she sobbed and choked. She pressed her hands into the wood floor, searching for something to anchor her when she felt Elliot's arms wrap around her stomach. She pushed away from him over and over again but he held her steady until her breathing began to slow. She felt a cool sensation at the back of her neck as Elliot wrapped a cold compress around her heated flesh. The cold gave her something to focus on and slowly began to pull her back from the brink.

"I'm sorry." She gasped through shallow breaths.

"Shhh. You're okay. It's okay." Elliot cooed into her ear.

"Go. I'm fine." She said, pushing away from him once more, voice a little stronger this time.

Olivia raised her arm to the nightstand and pulled herself up to sit on the edge of the bed. She put her head in her hands, refusing to look at Elliot. `

"You're not fine, Olivia." He said gently.

"Just go, Elliot." She whispered, all the fight leaving her body in one breath. "Go be with your daughter, call your other kids. They need you."

"I love you." He whispered, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her hear.

Olivia pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth to stifle a sob. When she made no move to look at him or reciprocate, Elliot stood from his place kneeling in front of her

"I'll leave you be but I'll be right outside in the living room if you need me." He said, turning towards the door.

"El." She whispered, harsh air pushing past her swollen vocal cords. "I love you too."

Olivia pulled her head out of her hands and gave him a small smile. He crossed the room again in a few quick strides and kneeling once more. He gently placed his hands on the sides of her face and pulled her towards him for a tender kiss. He brushed his lips lightly over hers and felt her chest contract with emotion as he pulled back.

"Talk to me." He prodded, sitting down next to her.

"I should have killed him, Elliot. I should have shot him." She said, shaking her head.

"This isn't your fault, Olivia."

"Kathy shouldn't have to go through what I did."

Elliot scooted closer to her and knelt in between her legs. He ran his hands from her thighs to her waist and back again.

"No one should." He whispered, nudging her nose gently with his until she let him capture her lips once more for a delicate, cautious, and chaste kiss.

Olivia was silent for a few moments carefully choosing her next words. Elliot could see the conflict in her eyes and smoothed his hands over her legs once more in encouragement. It seemed to work because Olivia caught his eyes and began to speak once more.

"He heard us. He heard every sacred word you said to me last night. My phone was sitting on the dresser. He heard everything. It's all...it's all tainted now." Olivia said, burying her head once again in her hands.

Elliot gently pulled her hands away from her face.

"Olivia Benson, if you think for a second that what I said to you last night means any less to me just because he was listening, you're wrong. I would say those words to you over and over again in front of my children, the squad, Kathy, hell, the entire population of New York City. As long as you heard me and you understand that this is it for me, that you're it for me, then I'm one happy son of a bitch."

Olivia smiled and hit his chest lightly.

"Point taken." She sniffed.

"Don't let him get to you, Olivia. Nothing that happens will ever diminish what I feel for you."

"...'kay" She sighed, wondering when she became so needy. Those ever-present walls must have come crashing down sometime between her abduction and recovery without her noticing.

"I'll leave you alone." Elliot said standing up once more. "Why don't you lie down for a bit and get some rest?"

"No, I'm okay. I'm sorry, Elliot. You shouldn't have to take care of me too."

"Never apologize for that. I've waited years for you to let me take care of you." He said, smiling down at her before kissing her forehead.

Elliot left her to recover her breath a little bit and splash some cold water on her face. He knew that as much as she needed him, she also needed some alone time to compose herself. He could not imagine the thoughts coursing through her mind and strongly suspected that she was beginning to relive her experience all over again though he knew she was unlikely to admit that.

* * *

><p>After regaining her composure, Olivia returned to the group in the living room. Kathleen was still noticeably absent and she took a moment to listen at the girl's door before settling down on the couch.<p>

"She's still talking to Maureen." She reported to a concerned looking Elliot.

He nodded and squeezed her hand.

"Got another call from Cragen while you two were gone." Munch piped up. "Florida PD has located the motel that Lewis took Kathy to. Their gone now but left plenty of evidence behind. A hidden cam caught him stealing a black Oldsmobile and traffic cam footage has tracked him heading North."

Images of Kathy drugged and in the trunk flooded Olivia's mind and she squeezed her eyes shut in a vain attempt to block them out.

"When are Amaro and Rollins scheduled to arrive?"

"This evening. This should be a fast catch, Liv." Munch said tenderly.

"We'll see." She muttered under her breath.


End file.
